


I Write Sins Not Tragedies

by otaku_trash



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: 10/10, Angst, Blogger Victor, Crack, Fluff, He writes fanfics lmao, How Do I Tag, Humor, I'm Sorry, M/M, Misunderstandings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Panic Attacks, Phichit is an angel, Rating May Change, Sara is fabulous, Victor is confused, Writer Yuuri, Yurio needs to calm the fuck down, Yuuri can dance, but he's still a virgin?, except not really, it's time to stop™, yurio you done fucked up, yuuri is really horny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-31 04:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 27,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8563462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otaku_trash/pseuds/otaku_trash
Summary: Yuuri reread the post ten times over to make sure he wasn't imagining things."This one is my favorite!!!! I hope it updates soon..."Yuuri proceeded to scream.orYuuri's favorite blogger happens to know he exists, too.





	1. And I can't help but to hear- no, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words

**Author's Note:**

> hahahaha the title is super literal also yay first ao3 multi-fic
> 
> idk what to say rn bc i put most of my shit in the ending note bc spoilers
> 
> here i'll put this up:
> 
> idk what im doing lmao um i might change the plot or add random shit so yeah
> 
> if ur a returning masochist who likes my agonizingly short or sad fics you will know that i base a lot of shit off of real life experiences bc i dont have ppl in real life to tell my funny stories to so I'll live vicariously through my lovelies haha
> 
> buh bye :)))))

Yuuri read through every single comment, smiling as he saw all the sweet praise from his readers.

_I'm blessed to have so many supporters._ Yuuri felt even worse about the fact that he hadn't updated his story for a while. 

Yuuri's phone vibrated, and he picked it up immediately to get his mind off of the guilt.

**Baby babe:** heyyy im free!!! so let's skype chat and start a new chapter

**Trash:** okk

Yuuri opened up a new page and accepted a Skype chat. Immediately, an angelic smile popped up on the screen.

"Yuuri! It's been so long since we updated that I forgot what happened last chapter!" 

Yuuri flinched. "You know, Phichit, your words and your face really don't match."

"I know!"

"Don't take everything as a compliment!"

Phichit ignored him and scrolled briskly through the old chapter to find out what they were writing about. "So, Yuuri, they're definitely having sex this chapter. Like, the way it ended totally screams sex. So, is it going to be against a wall-"

"Phichit, they're having makeup sex. _Makeup sex._ It's not going to be against a wall."

"Why not?"

"Makeup sex is supposed to be slow and sweet and passionate."

"Wall sex can be slow and sweet and passionate!"

"That's not the point."

Phichit huffed. "Well, anyway, is your boring makeup sex going to be softcore or can we go into detail about smegma buildup under the foreskin-"

"Oh my god, Phichit."

"Yuuri, it's a serious question!"

Yuuri blushed intensely. Despite being able to read and write about extremely detailed hardcore sex, Yuuri was a fucking virgin. What a sad life.

Yuuri focused on writing more. Phichit broke the slightly awkward silence. 

"Can you read what you're writing out loud?"

"Ok, um... hand traced down his skin, sending shivers down his spine..."

"It's too softcore. More than half your readers are here for the sex."

"Phichit, the sex scene has barely started."

"But Yuuri, it's like the foreplay of the foreplay! It's taking forever!"

"This isn't porn without plot!"

The two bickered a bit more until a loud vibration startled Yuuri out of his chair. He landed flat on his ass, and Phichit cackled evilly at his misfortune.

Yuuri scrambled back up and accepted a second Skype call from  **Angry Duck**.

"Hey, Yuuri. Why the fuck did you make my Skype name _A_ _ngry Duck_?" Yuuri had to bite the inside of his mouth to stop himself from pointing out Yuri's rhyming.

"Because you are one?" Phichit snickered.

"What-"

"Anyway, what did you actually call for?" 

"I'm free right now. You guys are writing right now, right? I can beta read as you go."

"Aw, thanks, Yurio!" Yuri turned to give Phichit a withering glare. 

"Phichit, you spelled perineum wrong."

"Gosh, Yurio! No need to be so salty!"

"Phichit, don't do this. Yurio, if you could just open up that draft... yeah, that one... okay, the second half needs to be beta read."

"Got it."

"Yuuri, I fixed the scene! Don't worry, all I did was speed it up a little..."

"Oh my god, Phichit, what the hell is going on here?!"

"What? There's nothing wrong with it."

"Delete it!"

"Okay." Phichit proceeded to delete the entire draft instead of the scene he changed. Yuuri gaped at the screen.

"Goddamn it, Phichit, you're lucky I love you or else I would have fucking killed you by now," Yuuri hissed.

"Aw, love you, too. Don't worry so much, sweetheart, I saved it to my Google drive."

"Does scaring me really amuse you that much?"

"Guys," Yuri said drily, "I know you're all in love and whatever but if you could calm the fuck down and save it for later..."

"Oh god, we're not like that."

"Yeah. I don't think I could ever see you like that, Yuuri."

"You don't have to attack me at every chance you get, you know."

Yuri sent them a suspicious look, obviously not believing them. "Yeah, okay."

Yuuri finished up his amount of work and opened up a new tab. He clicked immediately on something, and the other two watched as his eyes lit up. Phichit caught on immediately as soon as he saw a familiar look on Yuuri's face.

Phichit wondered why Yuri thought he and Yuuri were a thing when Yuuri read through every single thing on Victor's blog with that same smile every time.

"Yuuri! You said you would wait for me before you read it!"

"I never promised!"

Phichit turned to clarify things to Yuri, who was obviously confused. "Victor posted something on his blog! It's a long one this time, apparently, and everyone had been going nuts over it."

Yuri rolled his eyes. "What's so great about him, anyway?"

Yuuri and Phichit both whipped their heads around with a gasp.

"How dare you! I'm offended for Victor." Phichit looked betrayed, and Yuuri just looked shocked.

"Whatever. He's not that cool."

Yuuri ignored Yuri and continued to read the post. It was a list of fanfiction that he recommended for different shows and such.

He scrolled through the list, recognizing most and saving others to read later.

Towards the bottom of the list was a show that Yuuri was most familiar with. In fact, that show was the one that his current work was about.

Yuuri saw many fanfics on the list that he had read before. 

He was starting to get confused. Lots of fans had told Yuuri in all caps to read Victor's new post, but he couldn't find anything particularly interesting. 

Until he finally got to the end.

The very last one had a picture, as well as two captions- one above, and one below. Yuuri read the description of Victor's reading experience.

"I had been scouring every website I could to find a good fanfic for this pair, and I finally found one! It has smut  _and_ a good plot!!! There's lots of links to really good fanart, too! I'm in love with the way this person writes!!! 

There was a picture of a very familiar title. Yuuri's eyes widened.

No way. This had to be a dream. 

Yuuri reread the post ten times over to make sure he wasn't imagining things.

"This one is my favorite!!!! I hope it updates soon..."

Yuuri proceeded to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why does Yuuri have a beta reader and co-author when i dont kms
> 
> (Yuri beta reads and Phichit is co-author btw)
> 
> srsly that was really bad sorry it was so short it was like a prologue??? I guess lmao 
> 
> wow sorry there's so much dialogue this chap
> 
> i'll try to do better!!! pls give feedback bc i need to know how to make this better thanks
> 
> in this story Yurio is my friend who ships me with my best friend and we're both like calm the fuck down
> 
> idk where Victor comes in lmao he's not really based off of anyone


	2. Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yuuri, you little fuck! Can you believe this?! I sure can't!"
> 
> "Phichit, I'm the one who got mentioned, not you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow almost made the summary way too long haha 
> 
> felt like I should update while i can bc thanksgiving break!!! also i'll probably fall behind with this a bit when school gets back so gotta take advantage of all my free time 
> 
> also i suddenly felt anxious like holy shit gotta satisfy all these readers so yeah

Phichit started and fell on his ass, exactly like how Yuuri did before. Yuri jumped like a cat would at a cucumber. Both glared at Yuuri and his terrifying screech.

"This better be fucking good, or else I will actually slap a bitch."

Yuri snorted. "Why would you slap yourself, Phichit?"

"Shut the fuck up."

Yuuri was still staring wide-eyed at the words on the screen. "I... this... how...?"

Phichit raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to tell us, or...?"

"Victor said- he said-"

"What did he fucking say?" Yuri looked anxious and annoyed at the same time.

"He said this fic is his favorite!" Yuuri screeched. 

It was silent for a moment. 

"Holy shit! Are you for real?! Oh my god! He actually read this!" Phichit was jumping and screaming. A muffled voice sounded like it was telling Phichit to shut up, but he completely ignored it.

"God, you didn't need to scare us just to announce good news." Yuri looked tired and unenthusiastic for the most part.

Yuuri was still jubilant, but he also needed his friend to calm down before he got kicked out of the apartment. "Um, Phichit-"

"Yuuri, you little fuck! Can you believe this?! I sure can't!"

"Phichit, I'm the one who got mentioned, not you."

"Shut up! If I don't live vicariously through you, then who will?!"

"Have your lover's quarrel somewhere else." Phichit and Yuuri both turned to squint awkwardly at Yuri.

"Yurio, there's a lower chance of us getting back together than of you being nice for once."

"Wait a minute- did you say  _back_ _together_?"

Yuuri sighed. His plan had completely backfired. "Phichit and I dated for a week before realizing we were better off as friends."

"Wow, it's canon." Yuri got up and walked around the room triumphantly. "It's fucking canon!" he screeched. 

"Shut the fuck up, Yura!" A female voice came from the background, yelling sharply at Yuri.

"Go away, Mila!"

A flurry of angry Russian shouting ensued until the female face popped onto the screen. "Wow, I didn't think Yura had friends."

"Mila!"

She snickered as Yuri tried to shove her out of the room.

"Well, actually, Yurio is a total sweetheart when he wants to be..."

Mila's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "Oh my god! You have a nickname for him? He can be  _nice_?"

"Leave! Get out! Right now!" Yuri's face was completely red with embarrassment.

"I'm gonna tell Vi-"

"Shut up and go!" He finally slammed the door shut and slumped back onto the bed. 

"She's a bitch."

"Don't be so mean to your girlfriend, Yuri."

"Mila's my  _sister._ "

"Right. Anyway, who was she going to tell?"

"That's not important." Yuri and Phichit continued to bicker through the chat. Yuuri wondered how they went from yelling about Victor talking about them to screeching about siblings.

"-and when I went to pay for the bread, I realized I didn't even have money. But, since I needed the fucking bread, I just snuck it out and ran."

"No way!" 

Yuuri tuned out the conversation again.  _I always listen in on the weirdest shit._

"So this guy was eating my ass-"

"Phichit! There's a child in the room!"

"-and he was, like, the worst. It can't get any worse than him. He was literally shit."

"Wow, it must have sucked ass." Phichit cackled. Yuri laughed loudly at his own joke.

"Why are you guys my friends?"

"It's not like you're any better, Yuuri."

"Touché."

* * *

Yuuri started up another chapter while the other two finished up the last draft. "Why are you doing another one, Yuuri?" 

"Well, I feel bad for not updating for so long. Also, I'm motivated by that post."

"Isn't it more because of Victor than you feeling bad?"

"Shut up." The smug look on Phichit's face said that he definitely knew what Yuuri was thinking.

"What did I say about lover's quarrels?"

"What did I say about shutting the fuck up?" 

Yuri and Phichit flinched slightly at the Authoritative Mom Voice™. Yuuri sighed as he pulled up a new tab.

"What are you doing now?" Phichit looked cautiously at Yuuri's almost dead face.

"Pizza."

"Oh shit, I'm coming over."

"You better pay."

"But what about that one time when-"

"Phichit, you little bitch, you've been using that excuse for 3 years. Pay up. I'm not rich."

"Yeah you are! Are you forgetting that you write actual books, too?"

"Goddamn it. Fine, I'll pay." Yuuri turned to the other Yuri. "Yurio, are you going to come over, too?"

"Yeah, lemme just tell my siblings. Gotta make sure they don't set the kitchen on fire."

"You have more than one sibling?"

"I have a brother, but he's really annoying. Like, he's even more of a bitch than Mila. And our cousin who lives with us is annoying, too. He keeps sobbing and eating all the ice cream because his girlfriend broke up with him."

"Are you the youngest?" There was a certain glint in Phichit's eye that Yuri really wanted to avoid.

"Anyway-"

"Oh my god, Yuuri. He's the youngest. This explains _everything_."

Phichit snickered, and Yuri started verbally attacking him to get him back. Yuuri tried to break up the mess before he could be dragged into it.

"Yurio, why don't you go tell your family that you're leaving? Phichit, don't stand up on that swivel chair."

Yuri left his room and loudly shouted that he was going to a friend's place to eat pizza. Mila's voice shouted back, telling him that it was his turn to make dinner and he should cook before he left. Yuri shouted "fuck off". A different voice was heard crying from the side.

Yuri came back into the room. "Yeah, it's all good. I'm gonna come over to your house now."

"Okay."

"Me, too. I have to go to your place to get the pizza."

"You mean eat the pizza."

"Same thing."

Yuuri sighed and added a second large pizza to his order. They would definitely finish it all.

"Should I get this huge thing of Coke?"

"Get the Coke Zero, it tastes better-"

"How fucking dare you, Yurio-"

"Goddamn it, Phichit, not everyone shares your opinion-"

"Guys, shut up. Hurry up and get here." Yuuri wondered how he dealt with these asshats every single day.

"I would leave now if I could, but I think I lost my earbuds somewhere." Yuri threw a pillow up in the air and lazily looked under his mattress. Obviously, it was not there.

"Maybe one of your siblings took it. My sister used to do that all the time."

Yuri's eyes narrowed. "Goddamn it," he hissed. "That fucking annoying ass  _piece of shit_ stole my earbuds  _again_ because he's too lazy to get his own."

Phichit grinned. "It's good to know that there are people annoying you at home, too."

"Shut up."

There were loud footsteps outside the door. "Yura, make sure you walk the dog."

"Shut the fuck up. It's your own dog." Phichit and Yuuri laughed obnoxiously loud at Yuri's obvious frustration.

"Hey, who are you talking to?" The door swung open, and long legs strode over to the computer screen. Yuuri tried to suppress the immediate gay thoughts that streamed into his mind.  _I would not like to kneel in front of those strong thighs. Calm the fuck down, Yuuri._

"NO, no, noooo. Go away. Now."

The voice laughed, and only then did Yuuri realize how familiar it sounded. He tried to recall where he heard it from when suddenly, the face of the mystery man popped up on the screen.

Yuuri gaped. 

Phichit gaped.

The face was very recognizable- silver hair, sparkling, cerulean blue eyes, and a charming grin.

_Victor Nikiforov._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay hahahahaah 
> 
> are you guys ready for tomorrow's episode bc i sure am not hahdhdiusdih d
> 
> was this ok??? pls give specific feedback and i will try to improve
> 
> thanks


	3. Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Holy fuck!" 
> 
> Phichit stared shamelessly, leaning closer in to see better. Yuuri squeaked again upon being snapped out of his dirty thoughts and turned even more red than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahhahahaha time to clear things up this chapter

"Hey, Yurio... isn't there... I don't know, something that you... forgot to tell us?" Phichit looked like he was either about to explode or cry. Yuuri looked dead.

"What? No?" Yuri's eyebrow furrowed as he stared at them in confusion.

"Maybe about your brother?"

"Hmm? No, I don't think I missed anything." 

Phichit finally reached his breaking point. "Goddamn it, Yurio! I cannot believe you never told us about this! Why have you been keeping us in suspense?! Did you intentionally try to torture us?! I cannot  _believe_ -"

He broke off with an exasperated sigh and shoved his face into his hands. 

"Wow. I've gotten a lot of weird reactions, but this is not one of them."

Phichit's head whipped up and he was greeted with Victor's tentative smile. 

"UGhhhhhhh." Phichit put his head back down.

Yuuri, meanwhile, could no longer deal with this gay drama and planned an elaborate escape plan.  _Now that I know that Yuri's delicious brother and Victor are the same person, I can no longer live. Kill me now. I have to move to Switzerland and live in the countryside._

Yuuri tried to discreetly run away by exiting the chat. It did not work. Yuuri cursed the fact that all his luck was wasted on the fact that Victor noticed him and saw him on the same day.

"Yuuri, don't leave me with this mess, please." Yuri had a desperate look on his face.

"Um..."

" _Please._ I am  _actually_ begging you."

"Yurio-"

" _Aniki._ Please help me." Yuuri sighed in defeat.  _Who isn't weak to that cute brother thing?_

"Phichit, don't be too... um... angry...?"

Phichit let out a sad gurgling noise and shoved his face into his desk.

"Okay, I'm going to assume you're not angry anymore."

Another gurgling noise.

Yuuri tried a second time to leave after the problem was resolved. Again, it did not work.

"Hey, Yura's friend- what was it again?"

"I-It's Yuuri." 

"Hmm. How do you know my baby brother?" Yuri let out an indignant squawk that seemed to make Phichit brighten up again.

"Um, I... write."

"Oh?"

"It's... I'm... I create storyboards for manga and light novels. I also write novels for teens and young adults."

"I see." Victor's eyes narrowed. "But, Yura only reads fanfiction, so how did you two meet?"

"Yurio beta reads for me," he said.

Victor processed the information for a moment before realizing exactly what that meant. His eyes widened.

"Wait a minute. Yurio said he beta reads for fanfiction written by-"

"Written by  _a gay piece of trash_? Yeah, that's me."

Victor was silent. He seemed to be going through the same mental breakdown that Phichit went through.

"Goddamn it, Yura," he hissed. He also said some more things in Russian. Yuri rolled his eyes and replied nonchalantly.

"Well, it seems like Yurio here is terrible at communication." Phichit grinned at the dead look on Yuri's face.

"Hey, I just leave out unnecessary details."

"HOw the fuck is anything you leave out unnecessary?!"

Victor hissed some more in Russian before sending the other two a smile. "I'm sorry about him, this is all because he's a spoiled baby-"

"Shut the fuck up, Victor, what does that have anything to do with this-"

"Anyway! I'm a huge fan of yours!" 

Phichit looked up and meant to ask a normal question. He really did.

"Do you really have washboard abs?" he blurted out instead.

Victor blinked. Once. Twice.

He burst out laughing.

"Um... pfft, I do, in fact." Victor settled upon a shit-eating grin. "Do you want to see?"

Yuuri squeaked and covered his reddening face. Phichit grinned and nodded. Yuri groaned.

Victor peeled off his shirt in one flawless movement, letting it fall on Yuri's bed. 

He definitely did have washboard abs. Yuuri  _was not thinking about licking them._ Were his abs sparkling? Yuuri could see Victor's v-line. 

His slowly darkening pubes matched his eyebrow hair.

"Holy fuck!"

Phichit stared shamelessly, leaning closer in to see better. Yuuri squeaked again upon being snapped out of his dirty thoughts and turned even more red than before.

Yuri sighed loudly and dramatically. Yuuri scrambled to cover his face with something- anything- only to find that he had a perfectly clean desk with nothing laying around to hide behind.  _Shit._

Still, Yuuri's hands struggled to find something to do to distract from his hyper aware state. He ended up just tucking some hair behind his ear. And wincing.

Yuri's eyes narrowed, and then widened. "Holy fuck, Yuuri. Is that a cartilage piercing?"

Yuuri jumped a bit, cursing Yuri and his excellent vision. Despite his relatively innocent aura, Yuuri had a cartilage piercings and a double piercing on both earlobes.

"Um-"

"HOly fuck, Yuuri! That's really hot!"

"Phichit! What the fuck?!"

"I didn't know you were like this!"

"Shut up!" Yuuri snapped, embarrassed. "I just got it today. It hurts like shit because I keep accidentally touching it and since I can't sleep on it, I probably won't sleep at all."

Yuri's eyes were practically shining with even more respect and admiration. Phichit was thinking of ways to incorporate piercings into smut.

"Wow."

Everyone turned to look at Victor, who had an almost shy look on his face. "That really  _is_ hot."

Yuri screeched in alarm, yelling something that sounded like "stop stealing my friends" and Phichit screeched about Victor complimenting his best friend. He also continuously screenshotted the chat.

Yuuri was becoming alarmingly red. He tried to distract himself from the attention he was getting by thinking of something.  _Oh yeah, weren't they supposed to come over for pizza?_

"Guys, hurry up and get here before the pizza does." Victor's head whipped up. "Did you say pizza?"

"Yeah." Yuuri stared at the desperate look on Victor's face.

"Do you, maybe, want to... come?" Yuuri heard Phichit snort somewhere and rolled his eyes.

"Don't even start with me, Phichit, more like Phi _shit_ -"

"I'd love to! Wow, Yura, you have really nice friends."

"Well, the pizza will be here soon, so you guys should be here soon, too." Phichit had already shut off the chat and started running to Yuuri's apartment, which was not far away. Victor waved goodbye with a charming little smile and Yuri dragged him away.

Yuuri tried to convince himself that he wasn't looking forward to this  _that_ much.

_Who was he kidding?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayy i was going to leave it on another cliffhanger but instead i gave you something which is basically a cliffhanger!! haha why am i like this 
> 
> yuuri's not so innocent and that gives me life tbh hahahahah 
> 
> the cartilage piercing thing was bc i legit got a cartilage piercing today and couldn't sleep bc i was uncomfortable like how tf am i supposed to sleep on one side for 3-6 months kms
> 
> wow i updated fast!!! bc at 3-6 am there really is not anything else to do except for early christmas shopping on amazon with buzzfeed recommendations 
> 
> some more clear ups!! PLS READ!!! yurio is legit confused about the explanation thing and phichit chooses to yell at him instead of remind him of what he has conveniently forgotten to tell his friends wow r00d also "a gay piece of trash" is legit Yuuri's username alsooo yurio is legit acknowledging that he is a spoiled bby honestly victor spoils him too much
> 
> lastly i need more human victor like he doesnt have to be super vulnerable like a smol bby but where is canon victor who experiences emotions ?? anyway that is all hope u enjoyed buh bye


	4. No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What are you-"
> 
> "Nothing! Nothing, it's nothing," Yuuri yelped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahahha fast (not really) updates bc i love the praise
> 
> i say i'm gay but i'm actually fanfictionsexual bc i love fanfics so much whether i'm reading writing editing planning or whatever wow i should get married to this story lmao
> 
> it's just bc i have a minor (major) praise thing going on hahahaha

Phichit arrived first, to which Yuuri was surprised and unsurprised at the same time.

"I know you left first, but I thought you were going to masturwait."

"I would sacrifice some things for pizza."

"Wow." Yuuri stepped aside to let Phichit in. Phichit made himself at home. Yuuri tried to remember the last time Phichit was ever polite, and could not recall it. No wonder why he wasn't surprised.

"Is the pizza here yet?"

"No. What do you expect?" Phichit made an annoyed sound into the pillow. "Why is their service so slow?"

"Because you have to make a sacrifice for good pizza."

The door was suddenly thrown open by Yuri, who at some point in time stole Yuuri's key to make duplicates. Yuuri didn't even question it anymore.

"Hey."

Despite the relatively sassy and rude entrance, Yuuri's heart swelled. It had been a little while since he had met up with his friends in real life.

"Hey, yourself. How's my little Yurio doing-"

"Oi!"

Yuuri grinned and pulled Yuri into a tight hug. "I missed you, you know."

Yuri sighed. "I know."

"Yurio!"

"Ah, geez! I missed you, too." Yuri's face burned as he mumbled the words.

"Wow, you'll do anything for your friends, but not your own brother. I'm hurt."

Yuuri looked up from Yuri's shoulder. 

Victor grinned down at him. Yuuri had never felt so overwhelmed. 

Yuri turned to send Victor a sharp glare. "That's because I actually trust them."

 Victor stared into space. Yuuri could practically hear Mad World playing in the background. 

"Get wrecked," Phichit whispered into the void.

Yuuri gave Yuri a huge wet kiss on the forehead. Yuri screeched. Yuuri laughed as he went to get the door.

"Here's the food. Your total will be $30.24."

"Thank you! Here's a tip, because the pizza here is always so good."

"I would honestly prefer your number over a tip."

Yuuri flushed. "Are you flirting with me?"

"If you want me to be."

"I don't think he does, though." Yuuri could feel hands sliding up onto his waist. 

"V-Victor?" Yuuri was totally unopposed to this. He was also internally screeching.

"Are you his boyfriend?"

"I am. If we could just take the food, that'd be great." Yuuri was surprised at just how dry Victor's voice sounded.

The pizza delivery guy sighed and handed them the food. He walked away, murmuring something about it always being the pretty ones.

"Thanks." 

"No problem," Victor said with a smile. 

"Um... you can let go now."

"Okay." He still didn't let go.

"Right." Yuuri decided to just walk awkwardly with Victor still holding him.

As soon as they turned around, they were greeted with Yuri and Phichit's suspicious stares.

"What are you-"

"Nothing! Nothing, it's nothing," Yuuri yelped. 

It was silent.

"Moving so fast," Phichit said. A single tear fell down his cheek.

"Goddamn it, Victor. It's only been 20 minutes since you've met him."

"Guys, stop! It's actually nothing!"

Victor just sighed and buried his face in Yuuri's hair. "Hey, what kind of pizza did you get?" Yuuri could feel him saying the words more than he could hear him.

"I just got two custom ones." Yuuri decided to ignore Phichit taking pictures and Yuri glaring intensely at his brother.

"Hmm." Victor was extremely close, to the point that Yuuri could feel his breath on his ear. "Since I'm tired, do you think you could feed me?"

"That's enough, now!" Yuri pushed Victor away from Yuuri and Phichit whined about him ruining the moment. 

Yuri pulled Victor to the doorway to give him a long lecture while Yuuri and Phichit started eating. ("Victor, you need to stop harassing people." "You're younger than me, Yura. Don't scold me. Besides, Yuuri didn't mind. Right, Yuuri?" "Yeah, that was fine." "Yuuri! You're supposed to side with me!")

Yuuri decided not to say that everything Victor did was  _more than fine_. In fact, he really wouldn't mind feeding Victor. With his mouth. 

~~(He didn't mind when Victor's lips not so accidentally brushed against the nape of his neck. He also didn't mind when Victor squeezed his side before letting go.)~~

Victor ended up being squished into Yuuri's side while Phichit basically sat on top of Yuri to make him shut up. Yuuri reminded himself to thank Phichit later for his sacrifice. 

Yuuri found himself being bombarded with questions by Victor. ("Do you have a boyfriend?" "No." "Who was your first kiss?" "Phichit." "Ex?" "Phichit." "First time?" "...")

"Yuuri, why won't you answer properly?" Victor's fingers traced the side of Yuuri's arm, and traveled up to his chin. "I want to know more about you."

Yuuri felt like his face might explode. "Um..."

"Victor! Stop bothering Yuuri!" Phichit slapped a "fite me" sticker onto Yuri's forehead. He didn't seem to notice. The sticker fell off because Yuri's forehead was too oily. He still didn't notice.

"Yurio, I'm fine-"

"Why? Are you jealous?" Victor grinned at Yuri's annoyed look. 

Phichit narrated a fight scene between the two brothers, which really consisted of Yuri trying to beat Victor's ass and Victor laughing as he ruffled Yuri's hair.

Yuri finally decided that it was Time to Stop™. He flopped onto the couch, hissing when Victor sat on top of him. 

Phichit and Yuuri watched as Yuri said something into the pillow ("get off of me you little bitch"). Victor ignored Yuri's distress. 

"So, Yuuri, how's the story going? Why haven't you updated? Are you stuck? I can definitely help with that." Victor winked before getting thrown off the couch and onto the floor. 

"How would you help?" Yuuri asked boldly, fully aware of what Victor meant.

"I'm up for any of your ideas." Victor got up from the floor and brushed the non-existent dust from his jeans (they hugged his legs and ass really well and Yuuri was going to have an aneurysm. It's time to stop™.)

"If you have anything in mind, you can call me. I'm willing to test any of your ideas." Victor typed his number into Yuuri's phone (when did he even get it?) and Yuuri found his contact name under "Bae ♥♥♥". He decided not to change it.

"Smooth." Phichit grinned awfully. Yuuri couldn't decide whether Phichit looked more like the cheshire cat or a piranha. 

"Yep." Victor ruined his smooth moves by tripping over his own sock and faceplanting into the carpet. Yuri snorted. 

"Get wrecked."

"Shut up, Yura, you attack me enough at home."

"No, I don't. There is no such thing as attacking you enough."

"Yurio, is there anyone you're actually nice to?"

"I'm nice to Yuuri."

"That's different. Not being nice to Yuuri is illegal across the world."

"True." Yuuri was about to protest when he realized that even rude and mean people besides Yuuri were nice to him.  _Is that why I got such great reviews on my novel by that one really mean critic?_

"It doesn't matter whether I'm nice or not. Anyway, we have to go now. Mila said that Georgi ate all the ice cream again and he needs more." Yuri dragged Victor out the door, and Phichit followed behind.

Yuuri saw his friends off and shut the door.

The reality of the situation crashed down on him as he went over the day again. Victor recommended his fanfic. Victor was Yuri's brother. Victor pretended to be his boyfriend to shoo away an unwanted flirt. Victor gave him his number.

Yuuri jumped up as his phone vibrated. He really needed to turn down the volume. 

 **Bae** ♥♥♥ **:** hey Yuuri!!! i think u deserve a picture of my dog

 **Bae** ♥♥♥ **:** _image.jpeg_

 **Trash:** so blessed. so moved. so grateful. cant believe this is my life. never going to take it for granted. always going to give back. thank you

 **Bae** ♥♥♥ **:** anything for you ;)))

 **Bae** ♥♥♥ **:** i think sdfjHNEDUHESFJN 

 **Trash:** are u ok

 **Bae** ♥♥♥ **:** this is yuri victor is no longer available bye

 **Trash:**??? ok

Yuuri turned off his phone and flopped onto the bed. He reached for the Coke Zero, only to realize that it was no longer there.  _Goddamn it, Yurio. Why the fuck did you take my Coke Zero?_

He didn't really care, though, because he was still happy about meeting one of his favorite people. 

Victor was still on Yuuri's mind when he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look up masturwait in urban dictionary lmao
> 
>  
> 
> [Mad World](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4)
> 
>  
> 
> hahahahahha hopefully this was ok :)))))) buh bye


	5. New Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri was not sure he could let go of the past.
> 
> He was willing to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys im thinking about writing a short story or two for yoi but the thing is idk if i should put it in as a special stand alone chapter or as it's own story pls let me know!! thanks
> 
> i went to chinese food for thanksgiving nice
> 
> the point of this story is just to have a different perspective so first it's yuri and then phichit and then victor okk
> 
> chapter title from the song new perspective by panic! at the disco

  **"** **Am I just paranoid? Or am I just stoned?" -Green Day, _Basket Case_**

* * *

Yuri's worst fear was for what happened years ago to happen again.

Yuri used to have a lot of friends. He was sociable, and nice, and lots of people liked him.

His best friend was someone very important to him. They were practically glued together. 

And then his brother came along.

Maybe the whole reason why Yuri was so bothered by this was because he felt a minor romantic attraction towards his best friend. 

It didn't change the fact that it bothered him.

Yuri's brother. Everyone knew Yuri's brother. Everyone knew the great Victor Nikiforov. That was probably a part of why everyone liked Yuri.

But Victor was not as great as people thought when he was younger.

Yuri knew that his best friend was there for him and not Victor.

Or so he thought.

When Yuri and his best friend were in freshman year of high school, Victor came along and ruined everything.

Yuri was sure that after being best friends for ten years, some sort of romantic attraction would build up between them. He was right. After such a slow build, he was finally going to be with someone he was sure about.

He was wrong.

Victor flirted with Yuri's best friend. He'd probably started doing it now that he was physically attractive. Yuri's best friend was just as shallow as the others, and he immediately fell for Victor.

And then, after five days, Victor threw him away.

Yuri was so ashamed. Yuri could not believe that he could not protect his best friend of ten years from his brother.

Yuri distanced himself from others so there could be no repeats of what happened before. He was rude, and antisocial.

Five years later, Victor had his first heartbreak. Yuri knew it wouldn't last, but he was still terribly angry.

He hadn't said a word.

He watched his brother run blindly towards something that wasn't there.

Because he was so petty, he couldn't even save his own brother. He couldn't save his brother from something he hated to see, just because he had seen his brother do it before. 

Yuri just wanted to protect the people he loved.

Maybe he  _did_ feel romantic attraction towards Yuuri. Maybe what happened before would happen again. 

Yuri tried to force Yuuri and Phichit together so Yuuri wouldn't be destroyed by Victor.

People change, and Yuri knew it. Victor changed. 

Victor deserved someone like Yuuri.

He was still paranoid about it.

He was rude and angry, and he had found someone like Yuuri to take care of him.

Yuuri was more of a parent than his own parents would ever be.

Yuri was sassy and annoying, and he had someone like Phichit to match him. Phichit never got tired of Yuri.

Victor was Yuri's biological brother. Sometimes, he acted like a dad more than a brother. 

Yuri sometimes saw the old Victor in him.

Yuri was not sure he could let go of the past.

He was willing to try.

* * *

**"When you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse?" -Coldplay, _Fix You_**

* * *

Phichit Chulanont had been in love before.

There was a friend- a close friend, but not a best friend- that he liked.

They spent lots of time together. They were cute together, people said. They looked good together, others said.

They went on like that for 3 years. Phichit's little crush was now a full-blown love.

He wanted to give this friend his love.

This friend's heart did not belong to him.

Phichit was sure that his friend was going to confess when he asked him to meet in a secluded place. 

Instead, his friend admitted to liking their other mutual friend.

Phichit felt like he had been absolutely crushed.

Phichit told his friend to go after the other friend.  

They got together within a week.

Phichit didn't like getting hurt, and here he had let himself drown to save someone who was only struggling a little.

A few years down the road, Phichit felt like he was okay. He felt like it would be a forever scar, but he had moved on.

Phichit admitted to having liked this friend with a laugh.

His friend said  _he used to like Phichit, too._

And Phichit was beating himself up all over again.

_If I had been a little braver, I could have been with him._

_If I had just confessed on that day when our hands touched, we might be somewhere different._

Phichit didn't love the friend anymore. He did not regret anything.

But he still remembered the pain.

Phichit messed around often, being too afraid for something serious.

Phichit made a promise to himself that he would save his friends from the kind of pain he had to go through.

_Don't get hurt like I did, Yuuri._

* * *

  **"Sometimes it last in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." -Adele, _Someone Like You_**

* * *

Victor was just trying to mess around.

He was not planning on falling in love. He was not planning on being wrapped around this guy's finger.

He was not planning on giving this guy everything.

He was going to make him his first.  _"Come on, you can trust me. Be there by 3."_

When he got to his place, he saw this guy.

With someone else.

Victor was heartbroken.

He couldn't even bring himself to mess around with anyone else.

A few months later, the guy apologized.  _"I'm done with that stuff, so give me another chance."_

Victor threw away the paper with his phone number.

Yuri started being nice to him again. It was almost startling. At first, he thought it was pity.

When he really looked, he saw guilt. 

Hope.

Determination.

He learned to move on. He built up a new reputation.

He tried to be kind.

Victor read fanfiction because it was nice to see some people's dreams come true.

It was nice to see happiness in others' lives.

He felt longing. 

He wanted to experience that kind of happiness, too.

_I want to fall in love again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was that too angsty hahaha sorry what did u expect


	6. I chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What the fuck-"
> 
> "Ahh!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the angst last chapter :))))) even the title of this story :)))) is i write sins not TRAGEDIES :)))))
> 
> srsly wtf was i doing i'm sorry
> 
> have fun with your daily (not) dose of crack/meme fics
> 
> fun fact nov 29 is also my sister's birthday what a lucky duck
> 
> none of the characters share a birthday with me kms i only share bdays with characters that idk

Yuuri woke up and heard rustling in his kitchen.

Of course, his first thought was that a mutant raccoon thief was in his house, stealing food from the trash. 

_Holy fuck. I'm going to die a virgin._

His next thought was  _fuck it. Dying is my lifelong dream._

Yuuri crept into the kitchen with a flashlight. It wasn't dark. He just needed a handy (?) weapon.

He peeked through the doorway and he did not see a mutant raccoon thief.

He saw Phichit cooking and Yuri singing some kind of Russian lullaby. Occasionally, Phichit would join in, making up lyrics in Thai.

_What?_

"What the fuck-"

"Ahh!" Both Phichit and Yuri screamed. Yuri fell off his chair. Phichit almost dropped the pan.

"If you're going to invade my house and cook, you could at least try to be quiet."

Yuri sat on the floor, eyes wide. His eyes widened even more (is that possible) and his face could probably rival the fire below the pan.

"Did you-"

"I filmed it."

Yuri groaned and smashed his face into the floor. Phichit snickered.

"Don't laugh at him, Phichit. You told me you couldn't speak enough Thai to visit relatives for the holidays, didn't you? That sounded like more than enough."

Phichit hissed something in Thai and continued to cook.

"Right. What's for breakfast?"

"Yuuri, it's one in the afternoon."

"So it's still breakfast."

"Sure, Jan. Yurio, be a dear and pass me some salt... not yourself, the salt shaker... thanks."

Yuri ran around the kitchen grabbing random shit while Phichit cooked. Yuuri sat at the table, watching the commotion.

Around when Phichit was done cooking, the front door was shoved open. Yuuri screeched. Yuri jumped and slipped on the kitchen tiles. He reminded himself not to wear socks in the kitchen.

Victor casually walked in with a crumpled bag. "I've got dessert!"

Yuri jumped up and snatched the bag, looking inside. "... apple piroshki?"

"Don't shove your nose into the bag, Yura. And don't eat any until after you finish your meal."

"What are you, my mom?"

"Yes, Yura. You popped out of my non-existent vagina when I was twelve years old." Yuri made a face, and Victor ruffled his hair. "I'm just trying to look out for you," he said quietly.

"I know." 

"I'm sorry to ruin this sentimental moment, but I still need the fucking bowls."

"God, Phichit, you could have asked me instead of all of us." Yuuri got up and grabbed some bowls.

He noticed a really nice smell. It was really familiar, and it reminded him of his mom's cooking.

"... katsudon?"

"Yep!" Phichit finished garnishing the dishes and brought them to the table.

"What special occasion...?"

"Yuuri, it's your birthday tomorrow."

"We can celebrate it tomorrow, then."

"Yeah, whatever. I want to celebrate it now, too."

"It's not your birthday, though?"

"Whatever."

Yuuri took a bite of the katsudon. It was good. 

Not as good as his mother's cooking, but it was still good.

Yuuri expressed his opinion to Phichit in Thai. 

"Of course not. Fuck off, your mom makes the best katsudon. You already knew it wasn't going to be as good."

"Can you guys at least  _try_ to talk in a language we all know?" Yuri gestured to his brother and to himself.

"Yura, I actually know some Thai..."

Yuri glared at him. Phichit snickered.

"I'm too old for this shit," Yuuri muttered in Japanese.

"Not as old as me," Victor replied, also in Japanese.

Yuuri almost fell off the chair. He really needed new chairs.

"You can understand me?"

"A little bit."

Phichit laughed. "There goes your plan of dirty talking in another language."

"I wasn't planning on it, Phichit."

"Stop speaking other languages!" Yuri hissed. The other three realized that they were still talking in Japanese.

"Anyway," Victor said, ignoring his brother, "I can do the dirty talking." He took a bite of the katsudon. "In Russian, of course."

Victor grinned and decided to demonstrate as soon as he saw Yuuri's face flush.

"С днем рождения красавица."

Yuri spat out his drink and started slipping into different languages while blabbering.

"... so he  _can_ speak Thai."

"And Japanese."

"Yura, when did you learn French...?"

"Anyway," Yuri coughed, "you need to stop dirty talking in Russian to people you've only met a few times.

"It wasn't dirty, Yura, and you know it." Victor raised a suspicious eyebrow. "So, when did you learn French? I don't recall a time in school when you took it."

"That's because you were too busy being a bitch while I was in school. I taught myself French because one of my favorite yaoi mangas only has scanlations in Japanese and French."

"... sure."

"Ugh." Yuri groaned as he shovelled food into his mouth to avoid talking to Victor.

"What's going on?"

"Yura here has a secret 'friend' who just so happens to know French-"

"He's not even my friend!"

"Whatever! He called you his  _joli petit chat_! That's not normal!"

Yuri rolled his eyes. "What's not normal is that you talk dirty to people you've just met."

"It wasn't even dirty!"

"Still!"

"Boys, no fighting at the dining table." Yuuri gave both brothers a stern look and they instantly shut up.

"Wow, Yuuri, are you a mom?"

"I mean, in an omegaverse..."

"Oh my god, Yuuri."

"I'm serious!"

Yuuri shoved the last bite of his meal into his mouth and put the bowl in the sink. "Thdhfsdffosdfsdrrrtfsdfsdttthhmmddeleal."

"What?"

Yuuri swallowed his food. "Thanks for the meal."

Phichit raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

Yuuri rolled his eyes and took a pirozhok. It was delicious. Yuuri thought he might weep tears of joy.

"Yuuri, you have to wait for the rest of us," Victor whined. 

"No way." He took another bite of the pirozhok, grinning when Victor's face went from sad to dead inside.

"I can't believe I trusted you."

"I can't believe it either."

"Stop flirting," Yuri hissed. 

Yuuri laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "When's the last time you had a full night of sleep? You've had bags under your eyes for a while now."

Yuri frantically rubbed his cheek as if the kiss would suddenly disappear. "The last time I had a full night of sleep was last night."

"Liar. No piroshki for you." Yuuri smiled triumphantly when Yuri's jaw dropped in shock.

"The last time I had a full night of sleep was three months ago."

"You little shit. Go take a nap."

"No way! You'll eat my piroshki if I do."

"Eat it now, and then go to sleep."

"Fine." Yuri shoved the entire pirozhok into his mouth and marched away to Yuuri's bedroom. "Goodnight."

"It's still daytime."

"Shut up, Phichit."

Yuuri came in later and found Yuri sprawled out on top of his bed. He shoved the mess of limbs under the covers and kissed his cheek again. "Goodnight, Yurio."

"You seem fond of him."

Yuuri jumped and turned around to see Victor. "Well, he's a good kid."

"Yeah." A sigh. "I wish I could be better to him."

"You're already good to me," Yuri muttered from underneath the covers. 

"Go to sleep, Yura."

"Mm."

Yuri woke up later and found that he was being squished underneath Yuuri, Phichit, and Victor. What the fuck. They were heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yuuri: i don't want to die
> 
> yuuri to yuuri: go into the kitchen
> 
>  
> 
> literally i wrote this on the 28th even though it shows the date as 29th so no questions about the whole birthday tomorrow thing ok also i used google translate for the russian pls tell me if i'm wrong (i think it says happy birthday beautiful but i'm probably wrong lmao)
> 
> WHAT THE FUCK. I HAD TO REWRITE SOME OF THIS SHIT BECAUSE MY LAPTOP FUCKING SHUT DOWN. KILL ME NOW.


	7. Oh, well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can NOT BELIEVE-"
> 
> "Just go with it!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had something in mind and then i forgot about it so this chapter is not going as planned
> 
> anyway IM FUCKING SHOOK THE NEW EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD
> 
> YURIO S M I L E D OMFG I CANNOT BELIEVE THERE WAS SO MUCH PLATONIC YURI/YUURI AHHHHH
> 
> UGHGHFJSDFDJ ALSO THE PREVIEW WHEN YUURI SAID HE WOULD GET SOMETHING ROUND AND GOLD OMFG IS THAT A RING?????? KILL ME THAT WAS WAY GAYER THAN I EXPECTED
> 
> haha by the way there's some smexy (not) dancing in this chapter lmao i'll link the video
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWwThiLGKfc << that's the not mobile version so sorry if ur on a phone
> 
> it's a super hot song ;))))) haha why am i like this

Yuuri flashed back to three hours ago and wondered how agreeing to one little thing led to this.

"Yuuri! Let's celebrate your birthday today because we couldn't celebrate on your actual birthday!" Chris's voice sounded a little tinny through the phone. Yuuri sighed. Chris was nice, but he was known for partying way too hard. 

"Chris..."

"Come on! It'll be fun! It's been awhile since I last saw you, no?"

"... Fine."

"Great! See you soon!" Yuuri hung up and sighed.

"What's up?" Yuuri turned and saw Victor with a curious look on his face. 

"My friend invited me to hang out because he missed my birthday."

"Hmm."

"I would bring Yurio if I could, but knowing Chris, everything will either be inappropriate or alcohol-related. I don't know about Russia, but there are definitely drinking laws here."

"We can leave him with Mila and Georgi. I don't think they'll mind as much as Yura himself."

"Oh well."

"What are you guys talking about?" Yuri walked in with an eyebrow raised.

"We're talking about going to a party that you're not invited to because you're underage." Victor ruffled Yuri's hair. "Anyway, you need more sleep, Yura."

Surprisingly, Yuri didn't put up much of a fight. He just blinked a few times, yawned, and went back to Yuuri's room to sleep again.

"I guess that works too."

Phichit suddenly appeared out of nowhere, like he always did. He already got called by Chris, apparently, so they were all set to go.

They arrived at Chris's place in about half an hour. Chris whipped the door open almost before they could even ring the doorbell.

"Ah, so I was right." Victor grinned. "It's been a while, Chris."

"Hey, Victor! It has been a while. Come in."

Yuuri tried not to pull Chris's hair out. If he had known Victor, why hadn't he introduced him to Yuuri?

Then, Yuuri realized that he was not as much of a fanboy in public. What a bother.

The party consisted only of Yuuri's friends. Victor happened to know a lot of them. 

Since they were over the age of playing ridiculous college games, they mostly sat around and talked while drinking. 

After a while, they all split off into little groups to talk to people. Victor went to go catch up with Chris and some other friends. Yuuri and Phichit sat somewhere near the corner together.

Phichit was kind of bored, so he suddenly came up with an excellent (???) idea.

"Hey, Yuuri."

"Hmm?"

"Do you think you can seduce people with your magical charm?"

Yuuri almost choked on his rum and coke, which would not be good. "What?"

"Can you seduce people? Like, if I turned on some kind of sex music, would you dance to it?"

"There's a difference between seducing people and dancing to sex music."

"It's basically the same thing."

"No it's not, but whatever. I don't know if I could do it or not."

"If you do it, I'll try to be a better wingman."

"Shouldn't you try to do that without a motive?"

"Nope." Phichit forced Yuuri to stand up. "The middle of the room has the most space, let's go there."

As soon as they got to the middle of the room, Phichit announced loudly that Yuuri was going to dance.

"Phichit, you little bitch!"

"What? They were going to notice it anyway."

"Still!"

"Pick a song already!"

Yuuri sighed and picked a song. "If I do this, you have to do it with me."

"Fine."

"Is that a kpop song?"

Yuuri and Phichit both jumped and turned.

"Hey, Seung Gil. You wanna dance with us?"

"... sure."

Phichit grinned. "Great. Yuuri, stand in the middle."

"What? Why-"

"Why do you think, Yuuri? It's your fucking birthday, that's why."

And so, this was where Yuuri found himself.

It had only been three hours, and Yuuri had already made more trouble for himself.

"Alright," Yuuri said, forcefully snapping himself out of his thoughts, "let's do it."

Phichit put the music on, and the three used the song's intro to get themselves into position.

The intro stopped, and immediately music started playing.

Yuuri let his arm trail his chest and threw it up in the air. _What am I doing? I'm going to regret this later._

He felt himself get onto all fours, arching his back up and then down.

Back into a sitting position, knees up, head and arms constantly moving.

Hand trailed down to his upper thigh, right next to his crotch. He wondered how his face wasn't burning up already.

He grinded down onto the air.

Finally, one of the girls started singing.  

He moved so that both palms were flat against the ground, and brought his torso up. His legs rolled in, and back out.

Yuuri got onto his side, kicking a leg up. 

_Thank god there's not a full choreo for this._

Legs spread, a hand thrown between them. The other hand, too. Then, he rolled his leg to cross it over the other.

Pelvis thrust out. His hand trailed from grinding against his crotch to his thigh.

And he turned again, his ass in the air. He rolled them once over in a circular motion.

Immediately back onto his fours, Yuuri arched his back again. Once, twice, three times, and then he kicked a leg up.  _Why is the choreography so fast?_

He stood up, rolling his arms out and blowing a kiss. 

He stared directly at Victor as he did it.

And then he was rolling his hips again, throwing his head into the air.  _Oh, god, I shouldn't have done that!_

 _It's not like I actually meant to do that,_ Yuuri reasoned with himself while a hand flew down to his crotch.  _It just happened._ Yuuri's other hand found its way to his lips.

Yuuri could almost hear Phichit's grin behind him. Seung Gil was probably dancing with an apathetic face, as usual.

Yuuri shook his hips and threw a hand up, letting it run through his hair.  _He probably didn't notice,_ he thought. Phichit and Seung Gil were on either side of him now, all of them throwing hands around each other and themselves. 

Yuuri changed his mind when he saw the look on Victor's face.

 _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit._ Yuuri turned around and started to dance some more.

 _Whatever, I'm still having fun. This is all just for fun._ Yuuri bent over, shaking his ass on his way back up. 

_How is it fun if I feel like my clothes are being removed with their eyes? Oh god, oh god, oh god._

His arms were wrapped around himself. He threw one up and kicked a leg out, bringing both in while shaking his hips.

Yuuri was lost in his thoughts as he danced. The chorus came back around, and Yuuri's legs carried him as he wondered when this would be over.

 _Oh shit, it's this part._ He was on his knees, his front facing the wall.  _Why the fuck did they have to dance like that?_

Arching his back quickly, he threw his body up and down.  _Who the fuck decided that animalistic crawling was a good idea? What the fuck?_

Thankfully, it was over pretty soon. He was back to the chorus, blowing kisses and throwing his legs out.  _Don't fucking make eye contact. Just stare at the window or something._

Down, up again. A hair flip. He was sitting back down now.

He kicked his legs up and spun around.  _It's almost over! I can see the light._

Yuuri's arm rested on his knee and his face was forward. The music finally ended.

It was silent. Yuuri could hear heavy breathing coming from himself and from either side of him.

"Ugh." Yuuri fell backwards and stared up at the ceiling. "Phichit, don't make me do this ever again."

"Why? There's nothing wrong with being a good dancer."

"Just bring us some water." Yuuri looked over at Seung Gil, who somehow didn't look that tired.  _How?_

"Why, Yuuri? Are you thirsty-"

"Yes, I fucking am, Phi-shit. Bring me the fucking water."

Phichit shoved a bottle of cold water into Yuuri's face and sat down next to him.

"Seriously though, good job."

"Thanks."

Yuuri was startled by slow clapping and was mortified when he realized that he actually just danced in front of a bunch of his friends.

_And Victor._

The embarrassment finally found him, and his face exploded with color.

There were a few whistles and what sounded like Chris saying "I'm shook". 

"See, Yuuri, I knew you could seduce people by dancing!"

"Oh my god! Stop!"

Yuuri buried his face in his hands. 

"... you got it right?"

Yuuri's head snapped up and his eyes widened.

"No, no, no, no-"

"Too late!" Phichit grinned evilly. "I caught it all on film!"

"I can NOT BELIEVE-"

"Just go with it!" Phichit winked. "Besides, I'm sure  _some_ people will like it-"

"Oh my god."  _It's over. I've been caught dancing to sex music. It's on film. My friends watched me. Victor watched me. I'm ready to die._

"... Yuuri, let's go home."

Yuuri looked up at Phichit, who was staring at him expectantly. "Yurio is still there."

"Right." Phichit sighed and dragged a tired Yuuri and a dazed Victor back to the car. Yuuri passed out in the back. Victor stared into space in the front, while Phichit drove.

"You liked watching him, right?"

Victor looked surprised. Guilty. Like he had been caught, when in reality, Phichit already knew exactly what he was thinking.

"I..."

"You didn't think he could dance like that. You didn't think he could dance, period. You don't know how he could get any more perfect."

"..."

"Well, I'll tell you. He can cook, he makes good money, and he's sweet as hell. He's talented and funny. He can dance. He's considerate to other people, but he's not a pushover."

Phichit turned and parked the car. "And I can verify that he's a good kisser."

Victor was still silent. Phichit grinned. "Be careful. He may be a virgin, but he's kinky as fuck."

Phichit stepped out of the car first. Yuuri finally woke up, becoming concerned at Victor's blank and relatively red face.

"Are you okay?" Victor jumped. "Um, yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. Let's go back in."

They got back inside and saw Yuri curled up on the couch. Phichit had already joined him. They were eating more piroshki.

"How did you even get more piroshki?"

"Grandpa." Yuri shoved one toward Yuuri. "They're good."

Yuuri took a bite and felt like he just died and went to heaven. "Is this a katsudon pirozhok?"

"Yeah!" Yuri beamed. He looked like an angel. 

"Oh, Yura, by the way, your boyfriend was there."

"He's not my  _boyfriend._ He's a friend. And he's with someone already."

"Whatever. It's getting late, we should go soon."

Yuuri and Phichit saw them out, and closed the door. "Yuuri, can I sleep here?"

"Sure. Don't take up too much of the bed."

"You know I-"

"-will. Yes, I do. I will not hesitate to kick you off if you take up more than half the bed."

"Fine."

Phichit fell asleep with food on his mind. Yuuri fell asleep with Victor in his.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just watch me fucking die next week
> 
> do you know how hard it was to write the fucking dance scene the mv doesn't have a full choreo and the covers/made up choreo isn't as good as the one in the official mv
> 
> anyway i'm a psychic guys bc yuuri ate piroshki on his bday in my story and guess what yurio got him hahahaha 
> 
> oh yeah btw my tumblr is pastelvolleyballs come scream at me about victuuri and this fic !! send art if you want haha my tumblr is empty and pathetic bc idk how to start anything??? like what would i post lmao
> 
> what a sad life :))))) that's why i need ppl to talk to me bc i'll have an excuse to put random shit on my tumblr


	8. Oh, well in fact, well I'll look at it this way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So sweet, Phichit."
> 
> "I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i'm sorry the mv i linked was a slowed down avoiding copyright version so here's the original
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=la2qCPgK71Y
> 
> it's even faster than i thought lmao sorry yuuri such a fast dance
> 
> that kiss kiss me boy part lmao victor's boner is visible even from another dimension
> 
> enjoy this chapter!!!!
> 
> btw sorry if u don't like kpop lol :)))) it just so happens to be that i am korean and it's a natural part of my life to casually incorporate asian shit into everything :))))

Yuuri quickly applied eos onto his chapped lips. He pretended like he totally didn't just lick some off to taste it.

Then, he was off.

He and Phichit were basically running to the Nikiforov house.

Yuri had invited them over. Victor had very willingly agreed with him. 

"I mean, it's just... I don't know, you should come over."

"What?"

Yuri made a weird noise. Yuuri could practically hear his embarrassment through the phone. 

"I want you and Phichit to come over. To my house. For breakfast. Right now."

"Um? Okay... have you-"

"Yuuri!" Victor's loud and cheerful voice was suddenly very audible. "Come over! I'll cook for you!"

"Okay, we'll be there soon."

The last thing Yuuri heard was Yuri screeching as Victor ended the call.

"Well, free breakfast. Phichit, let's go."

"Aw yiss," Phichit muttered. "Gotta go fast."

"Stop reciting memes under your breath."

"If you know how I feel, why would you say that-"

"Hoe, don't do it-"

"Like, you put me in such an uncomfortable situation. Like, you know I'm not happy, you know I'm trying to see if it'll work out here, and I know that it's not."

"Oh my god."

Phichit cackled loudly. Yuuri spent the rest of the way there dissing Phichit and making offhand salty comments.

Finally, they arrived. Yuuri put his hand on Phichit's shoulder to stop for a breath.

Suddenly, the door swung open. Yuuri got a sense of deja vu as he jumped backward, taking Phichit with him.

"Hey!" The door was answered by Mila, who was absolutely gorgeous. Being pretty and swinging doors open must have been Nikiforov traits.

"Hey, Mila. How are yo-oof!" Mila had settled upon greeting the two boys with a strong hug. "I've been waiting to meet Yura's friends for a while now! You must be angels, being able to deal with that little shit for so long."

"Shut up, Mila!" Yuri glared at Mila from the door. Mila grinned maliciously as she dragged Yuuri and Phichit inside. "Say, I happened to find Yura's baby pictures while cleaning yesterday-"

"Mila-"

"-do you want to see them?"

"Yes!" Phichit's eyes were practically sparkling. "Who wouldn't?"

"Yura was such a cute baby! I don't know what happened."

"Get wrecked," Phichit snickered at Yuri's pissed off look.

"I-"

"Whatever you were just about to say was probably irrelevant, so I'm going to interrupt you! Hey, Yuuri! And Phichit, of course." Victor exchanged dramatic fake cheek kisses with Phichit. He greeted Yuuri with a wet kiss on the forehead. Yuri screamed. Yuuri laughed.

Yuuri got another wet kiss from Makkachin, their dog. He laughed some more, scratching the dog behind the ears. "Hey, baby, you're so pretty! Like my old dog," he whispered.

"You had a dog?"

"His name was-"

"Don't, Phichit. Anyway, he was a poodle, too."

"What was his name?"

"Ugh." Yuuri sighed. "Phichit always makes fun of me, but I'm going to tell you one thing- I got the dog before I knew you existed."

"Okay...?"

"My dog's name was Victor, and I called him Vicchan."

Phichit burst out laughing, like he always did. Yuri looked kind of unimpressed. Mila was snickering awfully next to Phichit. 

Meanwhile, Victor was grinning. "That's so cute!" He pulled Yuuri into his arms and squeezed him around the middle. Yuuri was extremely embarrassed.

"Whatever." Yuuri squirmed out of his arms. "Mila, can you show me around?"

"Sure! Let's go." Mila pulled Yuuri out of the room. Yuri tagged along.

"You know," Phichit said as soon as they left, "you seem to have recovered quickly."

"What?"

"From Yuuri's dancing." Victor's eyes widened, and he turned away.

"Oh, I guess not." Phichit smiled mischievously.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do. You were so shocked afterwards that you couldn't even act normally."

"What's normal?"

"Oh, you know. The usual. Flirting. Touching. Smiling. A lot of talking. You weren't doing any of it."

"... For someone who's 'such a big fan of me', you sure do like to attack me like this."

"Being a good friend and a matchmaker comes before being a fan."

"Right."

Phichit grinned. "I think we're done here, so I'm going to tag along on the house tour." He stood up, turning to face Victor one more time. 

"By the way, I know you're constantly thinking about Yuuri, but you still have a job."

"Hmm?"

"Your blog...?"

"Oh.  _Oh._ Shit. Thanks. Sorry." Victor ran off to his room to update his blog. Phichit laughed and wandered off to find the others.

* * *

"Yuuri, I feel like people are getting bored of my blog. What do they want to see? What do _you_ want to see? You're a fan, right?"

"Um... A lot of people on Tumblr want to hear about your love life..."

"Oh? Are you suggesting something-"

"No! I mean! Even if all you talk about is a crush in the past from seventeen years ago, people will still be really interested."

"I see. Thanks, Yuuri! I knew I could count on you."

"Sure." 

There was a painfully awkward silence as Victor typed away on his laptop. Yuuri awkwardly pulled out his phone, thinking that talking would make things even more awkward.

**Trash:** phichit where the fuck did you go

**Baby babe:** hahaha mila is talking about this girl she likes ;)) and we're also trying to get your love life together

**Trash:** i hate you bitch

**Baby babe:** no you don't

**Trash:** yes i do

**Baby babe:** u dont

**Trash** **:** i do

**Baby babe:** u dont

**Trash:** i do

**Baby babe:** dont

**Trash:** do

**Baby babe:** dont

**Trash:** do

**Baby babe:** hahaha its mila now 

**Trash:** why did u ditch me

**Baby babe:** bc

**Trash:** tell me now, it's dark

**Baby babe:** bitch dont start u know what i have to deal with every day is georgi singing this song and crying like a little shit

**Trash:** there is

**Baby babe:** DONT

**Trash:** no star in the sky

**Baby babe:** fite me biatch

**Trash:** where are you

**Baby babe:** in the basement with häägen dazs 

**Trash:** why are you leaving me

**Baby babe:** we're still here in the basement come join us

**Trash:** ok but rn i cant even talk its so painfully awkward

**Trash:** victor is updating his blog and i didnt bring my laptop so i cant even update my fanfic :(((((((

**Baby babe:** ok victor probably wont notice if u awkwardly run away to the basement

**Trash:** ok how do i get there

**Baby babe:** ur on the couch right

**Trash:** yeh boi

**Baby babe:** stfu anyway get up and walk straight ahead then make a left,, when u get to the end of the hallway theres two doors go to the one on the left ok the one on the right is the bathroom

**Trash:** thanks man i owe u one

**Baby babe:** ik sweaty hahah give me ur number so i can rant about my bby whos not actually my bby yet

**Trash:** lmao just take the number from phichits phone

**Baby babe:** shit u right

Yuuri got up from the couch and started taking Mila's directions to the basement.

"Where are you going?" 

Yuuri flinched.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Oh, okay." 

Yuuri speedwalked down the hall, and opened the door. He crept down the stairs as quickly as he could.

"Ayy, you finally joined the party."

"My longest yeah boy ever."

"Aren't you supposed to actually say yeah boy for a long time-"

"Oh my god, he noticed. I got up, and he noticed. What if he notices that I'm gone for, like, two hours?"

"Yuuri, you've only been in here for two minutes."

"How do you know?!"

"I've been timing it."

"What the fuck?"

"Anyway, it's a little weird." 

"Huh?"

"That Victor noticed you leaving."

"Why?"

"He usually doesn't notice anyone. Or anything. Especially when he's updating his blog."

"You know what that means..." Phichit made The Face™. Mila also made the The Face™. 

"Don't."

"This means..."

"Stop."

"That he..."

"Nope."

"Liiiiiikes youuuu."

"Nope. No way." Yuuri huffed. "We haven't even known each other for that long."

"You've been a fan for a long time, though, and you want to ride-"

"Shut the fuck up, Phichit. I'm still a fucking virgin. Stop tainting my pure soul."

"Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you're pure. Have you read your own writing, dear? All those weird, kinky scenarios were thought up by yourself."

"That's besides the point. If Victor only knew me before through my writing, he doesn't know enough to be able to like me."

"Actually, he stalked you through the social media you linked."

"Still."

"Still, what? Look here, bitch. You've known him for, like, four months. That's a lot. I know time goes by fast, but four months is still a long time."

"So sweet, Phichit."

"I know."

"Speaking of time going by quickly..." 

Phichit, Mila, and Yuuri all turned to Yuri.

"... Yuuri, you've been in here for thirty minutes now. Can anyone else hear those footsteps?"

All three of them froze.

"Quick, to the closet. Victor hates how dark it is in there, and probably won't go in."

Mila shoved them all into the closet, which was surprisingly large. They all hid behind large boxes and such.

_Step. Step. Step._ The noises stopped for a moment. 

"... I know you guys are here somewhere."

It was silent.

"Yura, I know you catfished sugar daddies so you could buy something from Gucci."

Yuri hissed quietly. Phichit was snickering but also trying to be quiet. Mila looked like she was about to explode. Yuuri was trying not to sneeze.

Everything after that happened in quick succession.

Yuri shouted at Phichit to shut up, and Phichit just laughed even harder. Mila exploded with loud laughter. Yuuri sneezed very hard, and ended up falling over into Phichit. Phichit shrieked.

He fell into Yuri, who was standing up. Yuri fell over and rammed into Mila, who cursed loudly. Mila rolled over and ended up knocking Yuuri over again. Yuuri's head made contact with Phichit's foot. Phichit also cursed loudly.

Phichit couldn't see in the dark, so he tripped on a coat. When he stepped on it, it fell off the hanger and brought even more clothes down. 

A few boxes came tumbling down, and one of them knocked the door open.

Mila looked up and tried for a smile. "Surprise...?"

"Come out of the closet."

"Well, I mean, I thought this was a topic we've already covered-"

"Get out. Of here. Now."

Mila got out first, fixing her hair and dusting off her pants. Yuri climbed out next, cursing while stepping over boxes.

Yuuri was trying to get out. Phichit suddenly burst out laughing again from behind him, and Yuuri ended up slipping and falling. 

The good news: Victor caught him before he could fall.

The bad news: Victor caught Yuuri by the face.

With his own face.

_Well,_ Yuuri thought,  _this is not how I imagined kissing Victor._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm gonna put my tumblr url in every fukcign chapter now bc i crave attention thanks
> 
> [my tumblr](http://pastelvolleyballs.tumblr.com/)
> 
> btw you guys should read "A Man Like You" it's a manhwa (Korean) and it's on mangago 
> 
> lol it's super confusing rn??? but it's still good
> 
> and also mangago hasnt fucking updated even though chap 15 is up on the official website kms


	9. I mean, technically, our marriage is saved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Congratulations... you just played yourselves."
> 
> "Fuck you, Yurio. You didn't have to go that far."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how was last chapter's cliffhanger hhahaha
> 
> sorry
> 
> quick question @ myself why my tumblr url based off haikyuu but i only got like two posts about haikyuu
> 
> you could follow me on instagram but there's not very much yoi
> 
> if you still want to though my instagram name is the same as my tumblr name (pastelvolleyballs)
> 
> i'm sorry that this took so long :/ i had an idea i forgot about and i spent way too long trying to remember the idea before finally giving up and changing like everything
> 
> i haven't read through this for mistakes bc i never do sorry if there's errors :) hope you enjoy

_Fuck._

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

Yuuri's eyes widened and he jumped away from Victor as quickly as he could. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you okay? It looked like I hit your head-"

"I'm fine. Are you sure  _you're_ okay? There's a mark on your forehead. Also, you're really red." Victor leaned in, narrowing his eyes. "Are you feeling sick?"

_What the fuck. This is so cliche. What kind of idiot actually thinks that suddenly blushing makes you sick? Apparently he does._

"No! I'm fine."  _Damn you, self. Squeaking is not natural. Why the fuck are you so bad at this._

"Okay."  _What the fuck? How dense is he that he actually believed that?_

"It's! Getting late! Haha, we should go soon."

"It's only two in the afternoon."

"Well, I've got stuff to do. Let's go, Phichit."

Yuuri grabbed his stuff as quickly as he could. "Bye, Victor. Bye, Yurio." 

He hurriedly whispered something in Mila's ear before dragging Phichit up the stairs.

"I'm going to see them off. Yura, get Victor an ice pack."

"What?"

"Just do it."

Mila rushed over to the other two. She locked the front door, and they ran as fast as they could.

"You don't feel bad for leaving Yurio?"

"Not really."

"Guys, we need to hurry. Stop talking."

"Gotta blast."

* * *

"Is now an appropriate time to start running after them?"

"It is, Yura. Grab your stuff."

* * *

Mila was quick to let her guard down. "We're in a crowded area, so it'll be harder to find us."

"Let's slow down, then."

"I'm thirsty."

"You're always thirsty, Phichit."

"Not as thirsty as you. Let's get some drinks."

* * *

Victor speedwalked down the street, Yuri in tow. "Come on, come on, come on. I'm pretty sure this is where we'll find them."

"How?"

"Intuition."

"What the fuck?"

* * *

Phichit, Yuuri, and Mila walked out of the cafe. "Why did we go there, again?"

"Because! The girl Mila likes works there-"

"Phichit! That's not the entire reason! They have good drinks."

"... Sure."

* * *

Yuri was about to lose hope.

And his sanity.

"Goddamn it, I just want to go back home."

"You're the one who suggested running in the first place, Yura."

He turned his head sharply. Suddenly, he caught sight of red hair, blue glasses, and a loud voice.

His eyes widened.

"Hey, Victor, look here."

* * *

"I don't think we need to worry about them anymore."

"Yeah."

Yuuri started singing out of sheer boredom. Now that they had run away from danger, his adrenaline was making him restless.

"Making my way downtown, walking fast-"

"Yuuri!" All three of them whipped their heads around. Across the street, they saw Victor and Yuuri.

"Fucking running!" They turned, sprinting in the other direction.

"Oh fuck, I didn't think they would find us!"

"Your crush must have been really obvious, Mila!"

"Shut up! Let's just go!"

* * *

After a while, they threw Yuri and Victor off their trail. 

"That was quick."

"Well, one of them is short and the other one doesn't have very great stamina. I don't know what you expected."

"True."

Suddenly, Yuuri froze.

"What's wrong?"

"Yurio... Yurio has a key to my place."

"Oh shit."

It was too late. The door swung open, and Yuri stood there, staring at them expectantly.

It was silent.

"Congratulations... you just played yourselves."

"Fuck you, Yurio. You didn't have to go that far."

"Oh my god, Yura, look. Phichit is crying. This is too much."

"Wha- Yuuri! Help me out!"

"... It was a little much..."

"Are you kidding me-"

"Yura! Don't be rude to your friends!" Victor pushed Yuri out of the doorway. 

"Go apologize to him! Mila, make sure he does it."

"Okay."

Victor pulled Yuuri inside and closed the door.

"Was that a strategic setup...?"

"Maybe."

"..."

"So! Instead of being awkward, let's get straight to the point!"

Victor sat Yuuri down on the couch.

"We kissed. It was by accident. Those are the facts."

"Um?"

"Are you avoiding me because we kissed?"

"Kind of?" 

"Well, then. It didn't mean anything, okay? If I want to kiss you and mean it, I'll tell you first."

"Um? Okay?"

"Good! Let's move on with life, now." Victor awkwardly patted Yuuri's head. 

"Okay." 

It was silent.

"Maybe we should let the others in...?"

"Oh! Oh. Right." The door burst open before Victor could even take a step.

"Lucky for you, we were listening to the whole conversation! Also, the door was unlocked."

"So it's not just a Nikiforov thing," Yuuri murmured.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Mila, make dinner! It's your turn."

"This isn't my place, though."

"Yuuri said it's okay!"

"I did?"

"Yes, Yuuri.  _You did._ "

"I- _oh._  Right. Go ahead, Mila."

"Goddamn it, Yuuri." Mila disappeared into the kitchen. Phichit went to sympathize with her.

Yuri followed after just to annoy Mila. 

 _This time, I have a fucking excuse._ Yuuri grabbed his laptop, which happened to be sitting conveniently right next to the couch.

He opened it up.  _Sleep mode. Unlock. Let's fucking go._

The fan whirred very quietly.  _For an old laptop, this sure does work well._ Google Chrome. 

 _Click. Click. Click._ Yuuri opened up a new tab and started a new draft.

"Hey, are you writing?"

Yuuri jumped.  _Damn it. He doesn't get awkward about this shit._

"Yeah."

"Can I see?" Victor's eyes practically sparkled.

"Um... sure?"

"Great!" He leaned over. "Which one is this? Oh, it's the porn with plot. Wait, is it porn without plot? There's so many, I forgot."

"It's the one without porn."

"I see."

Yuuri typed in a summary and some notes.

"You type really fast."

"I do?"

"Yeah."

"Um, thanks?"

He clicked inside the text box. 

"What's this chapter about?"

"I dunno."

"Oh. Well, last chapter was that cliffhanger, right? So, you can stop leaving your readers hanging, first of all."

"Right." Yuuri winced. "They've been waiting for a while, haven't they?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I have."

"Sorry. I forgot something important and got discouraged."

"It's fine, Yuuri." Victor's eyes were soft. "If you explain, they'll understand."

"Alright."

"Good! Now, after the whole misunderstanding business is over, they'll grow a bit closer. Will the romantic tension grow, or will it become awkward?"

"It'll definitely grow. I can't stand cringey chapters where they end it there instead of moving past it."

"Same! So, this character will help the other one."

"Got it."

"And then, the supporting characters will...?"

"Um... it's endearing when they tease the main characters. This is slow burn, I guess, so it doesn't necessarily have to be too romantic in this particular chapter."

"Alright. Oh, maybe you should save the draft and finish this later. I can smell food-"

Victor and Yuuri turned. Mila and Phichit were holding their phones in a suspicious manner. Yuri had a tired but fond look on his face.

"... Phichit."

"Yeah?"

"Are you filming this?"

"What? Haha, no..."

"You are."

"Yeah."

"... You too, Mila?"

"Yep."

"Ugh." Yuuri slipped away into the kitchen. 

"... Send them to me after this," Victor whispered before joining Yuuri in the kitchen.

Yuri sighed. "I have to deal with this cheesy shit every fucking day."

"Too bad, Yura."

"Ugh." Yuri went to the kitchen. Mila and Phichit joined him soon after. 

 __Yuuri ended the day like any other.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if my hair was shorter, gray/silver, and more voluminous it would be victor's
> 
> ohhhhhh jemima 
> 
> ^^which pinof is that even from lmao i forgot
> 
>  [my tumblr](http://pastelvolleyballs.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  i haven't even watched tokyo ghoul yet
> 
> im shook @ episode 10
> 
> if u didn't get this chapter at all basically yuuri is like "fuck this dramatic shoujo cringe i'm out" and avoids his problems by running away physically mentally and emotionally hahahahah were u disappointed with this chapter?? i wouldn't be surprised bc i am disappointed with this chapter
> 
> GIVE ME ATTENTION ON TUMBLR FOLLOW ASK DM WHATEVER I N E E D A T T E N T I O N


	10. "What a beautiful wedding"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey so you can decide if this chapter is romantic or not haha but lemme just tell you one thing: there are ppl in the yoi fandom who are also in the haikyuu fandom and some of them are like "omg!! shipping otabek and yuri is not good bc he's underage!!" but then they also ship kurotsukki?? it's?? the same age difference?? hypocrites hahahaha if you get mad at me for saying that pls keep in mind i said some not all
> 
> many things to say!! first of all episode 12 was so good i cried so much help second of all sorry this is so late i had finals so yeah third of all the yoi gala music and shit is out and it's so good i cried at that too and fourth of all i gave myself hickeys on my arm bc of a contest with my friend (long story) and it's been a day and they're still there lmao help. that's all!!!!!!! the way yoi ended seems perfect for a second//third///seventeenth// season so let's be ready for that!! sorry again that this is so late!! love you guys and hope you enjoy this!! :)

Yuuri wondered how he got himself into this situation.

He was standing with his ear to the door. Laying flat on the ground was Victor. On top of him was Phichit. Mila was in a weird crouching position on top of Phichit. Yuuri was at least smart enough to stand off to the side.

They were listening in on a conversation.

Yuri's conversation, more specifically.

He had been terrible at trying to sneak away, and everyone followed after him. Surprisingly, he hadn't noticed.

He crept into the room and locked the door. Victor's first plan was to pick the lock. No one had a bobby pin or a paperclip, so his plan immediately failed.

Mila's plan was to threaten Yuri to come out. That didn't work, either.

Yuuri suggested they leave Yuri alone. All three of them turned and stared at Yuuri for a long moment before making plans again.

They decided to go with Phichit's plan. Since he was all about gossip, he knew the best way (?) to listen in on conversations. He insisted that lying in a huge pile was part of the plan. Yuuri, being slightly more rational than them, stood next to the mess of idiots.

Yuri clicked on the call button. Yuuri wondered why Yuri's volume was so loud.

Whoever Yuri was calling picked up on the first ring. "That's dedication," Yuuri muttered under his breath.

"Hey."

"Hi."

_Even if his volume is up that loud, how can we hear so much?_

"Did you need something?"

"I just wanted to hear your voice." Yuri's voice was surprisingly gentle, and Yuuri was slightly concerned.

There was a soft laugh. "Okay."

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

"You saw me yesterday." 

"That's where he went off to, huh?" Victor looked salty. Mila slapped him and told him to shut up.

"But I haven't seen you at all since then."

"Miss me already?"

"Yeah. I do."

A loud laugh. 

"Shut up!"

"I didn't say anything."

"Stop laughing!"

"Okay, okay." There was another small laugh. "I miss you, too."

"I- wait, what?"

"Hmm? Nothing."

"No, you definitely just said something."

"No, I didn't. Yuri, are you okay? I knew you were a little bit strange, but now you're hallucinating."

"Shut up, Beka. Stop changing the subject."

"I'm not."

"You are. I'm your best friend, so you have to tell me everything."

Phichit's head whipped around. "I didn't know he had a best friend!" 

"No one did!"

"What a traitor!"

"Shut up!" Mila slapped them all again.

"God, Yuri, stop flattering me. It's not going to get you whatever you want."

"Yes, it is."

"Yeah, you're right. Meet me at the cafe."

"Today?"

"Tomorrow."

"Alright. See you in two hours."

"What-"

"Bye."

Yuri hung up.

It was silent. 

Yuri got up with a sigh.

"Gotta make sure they didn't-"

The lock clicked, and the door was swung open.

"- listen in on me."

Victor's face, which was pressed very hard into the door, fell smack into the ground. Phichit yelped and fell onto Victor's head. Mila sprang up before she could get hurt. Yuuri stumbled awkwardly away from the door.

"Um, hey, Yurio."

"Oh my god. Never mind."

"You have a best friend? You regularly meet at a cafe? You can flatter him and he'll give you whatever you want? You're actually nice to him?"

"Yeah. I do. Leave me alone."

"No way! Tell me more!"

"Why would I?! Why are you even in my house?!"

"Because!"

"Let's all calm down, now." Victor stood up and faced Yuri.

"I'm your father! I should know about these things!"

"You're not my dad! You're my  _brother_!"

"Who cares about brothers! I'm your sister, so I should know about these things first!"

"No, you shouldn't!"

"I'm clearly Yura's favorite!"

"No, I am!"

"Um, let's stop fighting, please..."

They all turned to Yuuri.

"If we're talking about favorites, it's definitely me."

It was very quiet.

"No way! It's me!"

"It's none of you! Yuuri, you're not my dad, either!"

"I thought I made it clear that I adopted you as soon as you first introduced yourself to me!"

"Why are you trying to adopt my brother! He has a perfectly functional family!"

"I'm not too sure about that!"

"SHUT UP!"

Yuri looked pissed, which was neither uncommon nor surprising. 

"Obviously, my best friend is my favorite. Stop bothering me."

"Wha-"

Yuuri suddenly had an amazing idea. He slapped his hand over Victor's mouth.

"Alright. Yurio, why don't you go, um, do something? For a while?"

"Huh? What about you guys?"

"The four of us are going to have a mature conversation as mature adults. Let's go."

Yuuri dragged them away.

"Okay, I've got a plan."

"Oh? I thought you said we should leave Yura alone?"

"Well, whatever."

"How is this a mature conversation?"

"Shut up. Okay, so we're going to follow Yurio to the cafe. Let's be really obvious about it, too. He'll be embarrassed. If he tries to leave, we approach them and force him to interact with us."

"Yuuri, isn't that kind of mean?"

"Nope."

"I didn't know you could be like this."

"Well, now you know. Let's get ready."

"Okay."

Of course, Yuri was listening to their conversation.

"You gotta check yourself before you shrek yourself." He left the house as soon as he could.

An hour later, no one could find Yuri.

"Oh my god... do you think he left already?"

"Yeah."

Yuuri slapped his forehead and stared at the ground.

"Congratulations, Yuuri... you just played yourself."

"Why are you talking to yourself?"

"Hmm? No reason."

Despite having lost Yuri before they could even try to execute the lame plan, they still went out.

"Mila, where are we going?"

"She's probably taking us to that cafe where her girlfrie-"

"Shut up, Victor."

"Yeah, that's where we're going."

"I said, shut up!"

An hour later, they arrived at the cafe.

Yuri spotted red hair out of the corner of his eye. He not-so-subtly turned and saw the entire group of people he had been trying to avoid.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Are you okay?"

"Nope."

Across the cafe, Yuuri turned and saw Yuri, who was not good at hiding.

He cleared his throat very loudly.

"What's up, Yuuri?"

"Look over there."

Phichit saw a dark haired guy and a blonde guy. The blonde one looked like he was in a rush to leave.

"Oh, I see."

Mila wandered off to flirt with some pretty girl. The guys went to embarrass Yuri.

"Oh, what a coincidence! I didn't think I'd see you here, Yurio!" Yuuri had a malicious glint in his eye. Yuri wondered what he ever did to deserve this.

"You're right, Yuuri! And who's this with you, Yurio?"

Yuri thought it couldn't get any worse, and yet it just did.

"Yura! Why'd you sneak out of the house earlier?"

Yuri wanted to jump off a cliff. Unfortunately, there were no cliffs nearby.

"This is Otabek. You don't need a longer introduction."

"Introduce us, too!"

"Shut up. This is my brother, Victor. He has this weird mental thing where he thinks he's my dad. This is Phichit. He's a wingman who makes dirty jokes and tells weird sex stories. This is Yuuri. He looks like a cinnamon roll, but he's actually a sinnamon roll."

"Hey!"

"Anyway-"

"No, not anyway! It's time for proper introductions!"

"W-"

"I'm Victor! I'm a famous blogger, and I have a reputation to uphold!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yura is a spoiled brat. Sorry you have to deal with this so often."

"Wh-"

"I'm Yuuri. I'm normal. And I write."

"No-"

"I'm Phichit! I can't really argue against anything Yurio said, so I won't change my introduction."

"Okay."

They continued to embarrass Yuri for the rest of the time. Yuri continued to want to kermit sewerslide. Otabek was genuinely interested in what they had to say.

It all seemed to end okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my tumblr](https://pastelvolleyballs.tumblr.com)
> 
> pls talk to me on tumblr bc i love attention :))))))))))
> 
> sorry this wasn't a fucking meme like the rest of my chapters but i didn't know what to write so :))))))))
> 
> "it all seemed to end okay" unlike this low quality chapter hahah kms


	11. "And, yes, but what a shame"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You put three in your ass?"
> 
> "No!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoyoyo i'm sick and i'm on my period!!! great winter break if you ask me!!!
> 
> anywayyyyyyy i'm playing shall we skate on a loop because i can and i'm honestly feeling so refreshed wow i love this song and i love phichit what a beautiful boy
> 
> i said aged up yuri plisetsky but idk if i'll actually incorporate it?? maybe i should take the tag down??
> 
> btw i know the whole point of this story is for sinful ;)))) fanfics written by yuuri but there's a lot of mentions of sex this chapter so if you don't like that then don't read this chapter haha it's not for the faint of heart (lmao there's no actual sex just a lot of talking about it hahahahahahha)
> 
> i just sneezed so violently i think my soul left my body
> 
> i think i forgot to put a summary like 3 chapters in a row whoops

Yuuri woke up with a pounding headache.

"I don't deserve this kind of mistreatment," he muttered. 

He tried to reach for his glasses. They weren't on his nightstand.

He stumbled awkwardly around the room.

"Goddamn it."

Yuuri's phone suddenly started ringing. He somehow managed to answer the call.

"Hey, Yuuri! Do-" Yuuri crashed into his bed while looking for his glasses.

"Whoa! Are you okay?"

"I can't find my glasses."

"Can't you see without your glasses, though?"

"I can't see for shit. I'm legally blind."

"Don't meme at me this early in the morning."

"Oh, Phichit. Don't you know?" Yuuri did a dramatic spin before flopping onto his bed.

"What?"

"I am a meme dealer. The meme overlord has sent me on this blessed quest to spread memes across the world. Without memes, the farmers' crops would not flourish, and there would be meme droughts. The meme economy has been booming-"

"Shut the hell your mouth."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry."

"You're not."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Stop repeating stuff twice."

"Fine, fi-"

"Oh my god."

"I'll stop now. What did you call for?"

"I'm coming over. We have to write a new chapter, and then have Yurio edit it."

"Isn't he still at home?"

The door burst open. In walked Yuri.

"Oh, never mind."

"I'm here, too!" Yuuri heard Phichit's voice echo through the room and the phone.

"Okay, then."

Yuuri opened his laptop and typed in the same password that he used for everything. Everything was already ready for him to start writing.

"Yuuri, how long has that tab been open?"

"Um, three weeks?"

"What the hell?" Yuri looked concerned and uncomfortable at the same time.

"I get really attached to open tabs."

"This is why you're still single."

"Shut up, Phichit. You're single, too."

"What are we doing this chapter?"

"More sex."

"Wow."

"I don't know what you expected."

"Exactly this, to be honest."

"Okay, then. Let's get to work."

"What are we starting with?"

"Um, sexual congress."

"Yuuri, do you have some sort of strength kink-"

"Is that even a thing?"

"-That you're not telling me about? Honestly, look at this." Phichit opened up a previous chapter.

"They had wall sex in this one."

"So?"

"And this other one has facesitting."

"...So?"

"Okay, fine. If you won't admit to it, I won't push it."

"Yeah, you will."

"I'll do that another time. For now, I'll bring up a different topic."

"What is it now?"

"You have a weird thing for hate sex."

"It's not like I'll ever have it, so I don't see the problem."

Okay, how about this strange reoccurrence of power bottoms?"

"That's what I aspire to be. I don't see the problem."

"Love eggs?"

"Um, this! This is a work of fiction, so there's no reason to overanalyze it."

"Stop changing the subject."

"I'm not!"

"You are. Why are there so many love eggs-"

"Stop saying that!"

"-In your stories?"

 Yuuri's face burned. He stared at the floor.

"They feel good."

"You actually have one? Oh my god!"

"Shut up! Let's just keep writing!"

"I thought you were a virgin!"

"I've never been with someone! I've only masturbated before!"

"Sounds like you have some kinky sessions-"

" _Yurio_!"

"It's true, though."

"That doesn't matter." Yuuri opened up a new tab and looked up memes to put into his story.

"You know, I've seen the "knotting dildo" tag in stories that aren't omegaverse."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Are you telling me that they actually exist?"

"I guess? I don't know."

"Let's look it up."

Yuuri cackled loudly at the image search. Phichit started wheezing with laughter. Yuri snickered.

"Okay, but... but..." Yuuri took a moment to calm down. "Is her vagina bleeding, or is that just the color of the dildo?"

"I don't even know!"

"I thought knotting dildos were only a thing in omegaverse!"

"You know, I wasn't expecting to hear that as soon as I walked in."

All three of their heads whipped around and saw Victor.

"When did you even get here?"

"Just a minute ago. Yura called me a while ago and told me to bring food."

"I see."

It was quiet.

"You know, knotting dildos aren't the weirdest thing we were discussing."

"Phichit, don't you dare."

"Yuuri here-"

"Don't-"

"Has a kink for love eggs."

"You mean those little vibrators with the remote control?"

"Yeah."

"Phichit!"

"And, on top of that, he  _owns one._ "

"Stop, stop, stop. Oh my god."

"Oh. Wow."

Yuuri looked up, half pissed and half embarrassed.

"I own more than one. Get your facts straight, Phichit."

"Seriously? Oh my god, how many?"

"Why would I tell you that?"

"You can't just bring it up and then not tell me!"

"Fine! Fine! Geez!" Yuuri took a deep breath. 

"I have three."

"You put three in your ass?"

"No!"

"Then why do you have three?"

"I have two for..." Yuuri mumbled something under his breath.

"I can't hear you, Yuuri."

"I have two for, well..." Yuuri gestured awkwardly at his chest.

"What's the last one for, then?"

"What do you _think_?" Yuuri asked sarcastically before going back to writing.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking."

"Oh. Oh wow, okay. I bought love eggs, which are vibrators meant for pleasuring your  _lower regions_ , and I don't shove it up my ass. You have a lot of common sense, don't you, Phichit?"

"Oh.  _Oh._ That makes a lot of sense."

"Yeah, it does. Now, I've had a headache since I woke up, so I'm going to go take medicine."

"You do that."

It was quiet until Yuuri's footsteps faded away.

"Oh my god, do you think that means the bottle I found a few months back really is lube?"

"What did it look like?"

"I mean, it said 'gun oil', and I didn't read the rest of it, so I got really confused. Why would anyone need gun oil? So I asked Yuuri, and he tripped while he was walking, and his face was really red. I was so alarmed that I forgot about it."

"I thought you have sex a lot?"

"I do. Why?"

"'Gun Oil' is a brand of anal lube."

"Oh. Never used it before."

"Are you guys actually talking about lube?" Yuuri walked in with a weird look on his face.

"Not just any lube. We're talking about the lube I found in your closet in July."

Yuuri's face paled. "There's no need to talk about that."

"You hid it in your closet? Wow, you're bad at this."

"Shut up. You guys are here to be writing and editing, not harassing me."

"What about me?"

"You can update your blog. Also, bring the food here."

"I thought we were friends, Yuuri."

"Sure. _Give me the fucking sandwich._ "

"Not until you apologize!"

"I have nothing to apologize for!"

"You hurt my feelings!" Victor held his arm out of Yuuri's reach. "I came here to see you, not work."

Yuuri smacked his arm and tried to reach for the sandwich. "You need to work to make money."

"I can make money after you apologize."

"I can apologize after I get my food."

"You guys can shut up and get shit done." Yuuri turned to Phichit and Yuri. One of them was filming. The other one was actually being productive.

"I'll do what I need to do after Yuuri apologizes!"

"You're such a child!"

"That doesn't change the fact that you have to apologize!"

Yuuri huffed. "Fine. I'm sorry."

Victor smiled triumphantly.

"Don't work. Don't make money. Don't support your family. Just sit here and get nothing done. I'm going to eat my sandwich, now."

"Wha-"

"Don't question it. It's to guilt trip you." Phichit looked like he had battle scars.

"Well, it's definitely working." Victor turned to look over at Yuuri, who was eating his sandwich. He didn't look back at Victor.

"Hey."

Yuuri continued to ignore him.

"Hey."

Yuuri took another bite of the sandwich.

"Yuuri."

He yawned and swallowed the bite of sandwich.

"Yuuri. Hey. Yuuri?"

Yuuri sighed.

"Hey. I'm sorry. Yuuri?"

He turned and spared Victor a glance. When Victor felt a small bit of hope, Yuuri looked away again.

"Yuuri, please..."

He heard a short laugh. 

"Yuuri! Why have you forsaken me?"

A snort.

"Yuuri," Victor whined. He gave Yuuri a hug. Yuuri continued to sit in silence.

"...What?"

"Yuuri!"

Victor heard Phichit snickering. Yuri emitted an annoyed huff.

"What is it, Victor?"

"I'm sorry for being immature."

"You're still being immature."

"I'm sorry for annoying you."

"And?"

"I'm sorry for making you apologize. And for stealing your sandwich."

"Okay."

Yuuri finally hugged Victor back. Victor shoved his face into Yuuri's shoulder.

"Can you guys be gross somewhere else?"

"Mmm." Victor's hands squeezed into Yuuri's sides. Yuuri laughed.

"Get married," Phichit whispered.

"Get out of here," Yuri snapped.

"We're not even dating," Yuuri pointed out.

"I beg to differ," Phichit said drily as Victor kissed Yuuri's shoulder.

"He's just an affectionate person."

"I've never seen him so affectionate with anyone else."

"I can speak for myself, you know."

"Go ahead, then."

"Hmm... nah." Victor buried his face into Yuuri's neck. Yuuri sighed.

"You guys are gross." Yuri cringed at the amount of affection being displayed.

"If you have time to get cuddly, you have time to finish this chapter."

Yuuri got back to work with Victor still clinging onto him. Phichit continued to indiscreetly film them. Yuri dealt with this shit for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm serious ok i was reading a victuuri omegaverse which was very good btw it's called "you can't plan for everything" and it's honestly just a blessing in my life but anyway i saw the knotting dildo tag and clicked on it and it's been used in stories that aren't omegaverse and i was like ??? so i looked it up and they're an actual thing. omg. i was laughing so much wtf
> 
> there weren't enough memes this chapter either i'm so sorry hopefully the amount of sex talk made up for it :(
> 
> yo yo yo i actually looked up lube brands for this chapter i am so dedicated
> 
> my eos lip balm has been used to a point that it's shaped like a nipple??? why
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://pastelvolleyballs.tumblr.com/)


	12. "What a beautiful wedding," says a bridesmaid to a waiter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When are we ever cute?"
> 
> "If I packed every single cute moment you have together into a physical form, it would be enough for a giant dildo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hi!! i had a panic attack on new year's day!! hopefully you had a better time!! also i had to go back to school!!! 
> 
> someone on tumblr proposed to me but left it anonymous like hey are we getting married or not
> 
> i think sara and yuri are a super cute brotp haha;; please just;; consider it;; it's going to be in this chapter;;
> 
> some people hate on mila even though she's a precious cinnamon roll and it makes me sad :(
> 
> anyway sorry this is so late haha,;; i didn't edit this whoops haha,, it's short and bad as well haha,,;; whoops

 Yuuri woke up and felt his glasses still on his face.

"Ouch." He slid the glasses off.

He paused.

And then he put his glasses back on.

He looked around the room.

Lying next to him on the bed was Victor. On the floor lay Phichit, who was snoring loudly. Yuri was passed out on a chair.

"Oh."

Yuuri remembered falling asleep right after he finished writing. He wasn't sure what had happened to the others, but he guessed that the same had happened to them.

He heard the blankets shuffle behind him. Victor sat up in bed next to him.

"You should have seen yourself, Yuuri. You passed out right after you saved your draft."

"That was definitely your fault."

"What? Why?"

"Because! You kept hugging me and humming in my ear! And, you were really warm."

"Are you guys actually fighting about this?" Yuri looked pissed and tired.

"That's so domestic!" Phichit gushed.

"That's so gross. Get a room." 

"We _are_ in a room, Yurio."

"Shut up."

"Yeah, yeah." Yuuri stretched out his arms and sighed. "I've been working so much. I think I deserve a vacation."

"I'll come with you! It'll be like a honeymoon." Victor grinned.

"We're not married, though."

"You're not together, either," Yuri said dryly.

"The little details don't matter when you're in love," Phichit whispered dreamily.

"Why are you like this?" Yuri asked.

"My mission, as the pretty guardian Sailor Moon, is to bring people together!"

"Sailor Moon wasn't a matchmaker."

"Shut the fuck up, Yurio. You're ruining my vibe."

"Guys, stop fighting," Yuuri sighed. "Anyway, where would we go on a vacation?"

"We could go to Hollyweed," Yuri snickered.

"Is the flight at 4:20?" Phichit snorted.

"You guys are so immature." Yuuri frowned at the three boys giggling in his room.

"So are you, Yuuri." 

Yuuri glared at the twinkle in Phichit's eye. "Shut up."

"Hm? Yuuri, you've got something in your hair."

"Take it out, then."

Victor pulled a piece of lint out of Yuuri's hair. 

"Oh my god, this is just like a shoujo manga. Do that again. I need to film this."

"What do you do with all that footage, Phichit?"

"I rewatch it over and over."

"Is that it? Are you sure you're not posting private information?"

"Well..."

"Oh my god." Yuuri turned and buried his face into Victor's chest. "This is why I get so many questions about my love life on social media."

Victor kissed the top of Yuuri's head. "Well, if you want a more private life, we could elope in Iceland."

"Why Iceland?"

"I don't know. It sounds nice."

Yuri snatched Phichit's phone away and deleted every single video of Victor and Yuuri he could find.

"This should go on My Strange Addictions. 'Hi, my name is Phichit Chulanont, and I'm obsessed with filming my lovey dovey friends because I don't have a love life of my own.'"

"I do  _not_ sound like that, you little bitch. Give me my phone back."

Yuuri peacefully watched Phichit and Yuuri fight. Victor played with Yuuri's hair.

"Trust nobody, not even the lamb sauce."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know."

Victor laughed into Yuuri's neck. "You're really cute."

"Sure, sure. Let's grab food."

"Okay." Victor and Yuuri slipped out of the apartment unnoticed.

"Where are we going?"

"Wherever you want to go."

"Okay, then. Let's go to that little cafe with the good soup."

"Which one?"

"Oh my god, Victor. How many little cafes with good soup do you know?"

"Only one."

"There was no need to ask, then. Let's just go."

The two of them walked quickly to the cafe. It was a quiet and pleasant walk.

They seated themselves at a table next to the window. Almost immediately, a waitress came over.

"Hello, Victor! Are you here on a date?"

"Ah-"

"You are! That means that you, here, are Yuuri."

"What-"

"Anyways! How's Yuri doing? He's okay, right? I told that little fucker to start eating proper meals and sleeping at normal times, but he reblogged a ton of shit on Tumblr at, like, three in the morning."

"Um..."

"Oh, right! I forgot to introduce myself!" The girl smiled. "I'm Sara Crispino, Yuri's friend! I'm your waitress today, I guess."

Sara had gorgeous hair, a gorgeous smile, a gorgeous body, and basically a gorgeous everything. The only thing that could make her more perfect would be if someone washed her dirty mouth out with soap.

Yuuri supposed it didn't matter how she talked, as long as she was genuinely Yuri's friend.

"Would you guys like something to drink?"

"Just water."

"Alright. What about you, Victor?"

"Vodka."

"Victor, it's not even noon."

"Fine. I'll have vodka with a shot of espresso, and a breakfast platter on the side."

"Victor!"

"Fine. I'll have the strongest coffee you have."

"Alright. Oh, yeah! I'm sure Yuri isn't taking care of himself properly, and you guys seem too busy to babysit him. When you're done, I'll bring takeout and his favorite drink."

"Oh! Thank you." Yuuri felt very happy to know that Yuri had friends.

"No problem! I'll be right back with your drinks."

As she walked away, Yuuri smiled. "I'm gonna give her a twenty dollar tip."

"Wow, okay."

Yuuri and Victor chatted while they waited for their food. Yuuri turned to look out the window while he was laughing at something Victor said. He jumped.

Staring very intently through the window was Phichit. Next to him was a bored Yuri.

In a few moments, the two of them joined Victor and Yuuri.

"I can't believe you guys ditched us while we were fighting! You went on a date without telling me! You got food without telling me!"

"It's not a date. Also, you can still order food."

"That's not the point! I feel betrayed!"

"Too bad."

"Oh yeah, Yurio, you had a pre-test at school, right? Was it hard?"

"Um... no."

"Really?" Victor narrowed his eyes. "What did you get on it?"

"I got a 64."

"That's terrible."

"No, it isn't! If you add six and four together, you get ten. If you add one and zero together, you get one. You know why? It's because-"

Yuri's illuminati theory was rudely interrupted by Victor singing "We are number one" from LazyTown and Phichit singing "Ultimate" by Denzel Curry. 

"You guys are shit."

"Yeah, don't be so rude. Robbie Rotten is obviously way above your level."

Yuri whipped around to see a grinning Sara.

"Sara!"

"Hey, kiddo. I have food for you, because I know you aren't taking care of yourself."

"I'm not a 'kiddo'".

"Yeah, you are. You're seven years younger than me."

"Shut up."

"No way, kiddo."

"Don't call me that."

"I'll stop calling you that once you get to my eye level."

Yuri stared into space, while sad airhorn music played in the background. Phichit screamed "get wrecked" over and over into Yuri's ear. Yuuri and Victor prayed for their deceased child. Sara did an intense daberoni and walked away from the table. 

"What a savage," someone whispered.

After Yuri got over his giant ass ego, he sulked in the corner. Victor and Yuuri listened to Phichit's "wingman nagging".

"You guys need to stop sneaking off and being cute."

"When are we ever cute?"

"If I packed every single cute moment you have together into a physical form, it would be enough for a giant dildo."

"Well, how giant is the dildo?"

"Bigger than anything  _you_ could ever take, and that's saying something-"

Yuuri sputtered.

"-and it would also be bigger than the one from the on-click ad."

Yuuri's eyes widened. "No way."

"Yes way."

"What on-click ad?"

"Yuuri and I were reading doujinshi on that one 'my reading manga' website, and they have on click ads. He tried to click on one, but it was an ad, and the ad took him to this gay BDSM website. One of the first thumbnails was of a guy taking a dildo three times the size of a normal dick up his ass."

"That's impressive."

"Yeah, it is. Anyway, you guys and your cute and fluffy moments are very frustrating. At least let me watch."

"Isn't that your only issue here?"

"Yeah."

Sara came back with lots of food. 

"Um, I don't think we ordered all this."

"Oh no, but Phichit ordered more food while you weren't paying attention, and Yuri just needs to eat more in general."

"Oh. Okay."

Yuuri ate all his food really quickly, just because he could. Phichit ate just as quickly, also because he could. Victor decided to join them and eat very quickly. Yuri ate like a normal person.

Yuuri gave Sara a huge tip because he thought she was an absolute sweetheart, and a great friend to Yuri. Yuri tried to warn Yuuri about Sara's supposed "true nature". Phichit told Victor more ridiculous stories about his life ("His dick was smaller than the nose of a proboscis monkey." "No way!")

All in all, they had a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my sister was being stupid about something so i lovingly held her face in my hands and bitchslapped her and then another time she was like "this makes me look fat" and i'm like 30 pounds more than her so i smacked her really hard in the face with a stuffed animal right after she finished her makeup
> 
> the on-click ad thing actually happened to me lmao
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://pastelvolleyballs.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> yo yo yo sorry this ended so sloppily,,, as i said i didn't edit this,;; whoops


	13. "What a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo yo i'm running out of song lyrics!!!! pls leave suggestions for what i should name my chapters after this,, if i don't get suggestions i'll just make my chapter titles memes
> 
> do you ever have a crush on someone for like,, a day because that was me lmao
> 
> if you like manhwa and you read it on mangago, try supporting the authors on the official website, which is called lezhin!! i myself have an account on the korean version,, basically how it works is you have to pay for chapters with these coins specifically for the website,, and you can get those coins by getting reward points as a free member or just buying a shit ton of coins with actual money,, also!! if you don't know what i mean by manhwa, i mean things like "A Man Like You", "Never Understand", and "Killing Stalking"!!! don't call it manga because it's not!! thanks!!

Yuuri woke up and  _what the fuck was on him._

It was heavy.

Yuuri reflected on his entire life as he tried to figure out why something heavy was on top of him.

_Is this punishment? Is this how it ends? Oh god, it must have been because I masturbated too much when I was fifteen. Or is it because I keep neglecting my stories? Oh god. Oh shit. I'm sorry. Holy fuck._

The thing shifted.

_Wait. Did it just move?_

Yuuri turned around.

Victor was sleeping silently.

"What the actual fuck? Why didn't I think of this sooner? Goddamn it, fuck me in the diddly darn ass."

Yuuri felt around for his glasses. He somehow grabbed them and put them on.

Then, Yuuri's mind became slightly more rational. "Why is Victor here, anyway?"

Yuuri decided not to question it. Victor had a key to his place (why?), Yuuri didn't really care, and Victor did this kind of weird shit all the time. 

"Oh well."

Yuuri unlocked his phone and hesitantly opened up Instagram.

Immediately, multiple comments, likes, follows, DMs, and other shit came rushing at him.

"Fuck me in the ass," Yuuri muttered. 

Yuuri went to a post with a lot of comments and tried to figure out why people kept commenting on it.

**❤ 50, 984 likes**

**k-yuuri** victor won't give me the fucking sandwich

The picture was of the time Yuuri guilt tripped Victor after he stole his sandwich. For whatever reason, everyone loved it.

 **amydraws** thank you for blessing my life

 **yuurisbitch** holy fuck you two are so cute together

 **v-nikiforov** i already said i was sorry smh

 **k-yuuri** @v-nikiforov sorry doesn't mean anything ur dead to me

 **v-nikiforov** babe pls

 **yuri-plisetsky** you guys are nasty af get a room

Yuuri couldn't figure it out even after looking through all the comments. He decided to look at another post. This time, it was a video.

**▶73, 429 views**

**k-yuuri** #hacked ;))) 

Yuuri's eyes widened. "Holy fuck, I can't believe I didn't see this. It's been so long."

The video was of Yuuri during that one time he danced to Kpop. It looked like it was taken by Chris, since Phichit was dancing as well. 

The only person besides Yuuri who knew his password was Phichit. It was a joint effort.

Yuuri groaned.

The music played loudly in the background as Yuuri danced. "I don't want to relive this fucking nightmare."

 **demidemi** fuck me in the ass

 **christophe-gc** lmao sorry yuuri

 **phichit+chu** get rekt yuuri this is for that time you ate all my ice cream

 **pastelvolleyballs** my soul has been cleansed, my crops have flourished, the drought is over thank you for blessing my life

 **lowlowlow9** holy fuck

Yuuri went to Phichit's account and saw that  _the little bitch had posted pictures of Yuuri and Victor._

**❤ 62, 384 likes**

**phichit+chu** relationship goals

Yuuri was asleep in the picture. Victor was holding him while they laid in bed together. It looked like he had just given him a kiss on the cheek.

 **meme_life** this is so pure

 **absoluteshit** are you sure they aren't dating

 **frickityfrick** jfc im fcuign cirying rn

 **getshrekt** if they don't get together im gonna delete myself

Yuuri closed the Instagram app and turned off his phone.

Phichit casually walked into the room, because it's  _totally fucking normal to stay at your friend's place without telling them._

"Oh, hey."

"Um?"

"Yuri's heating up pizza rolls that we found in the freezer. Wake up your boyfriend-"

"We're not-"

"-and come to the kitchen."

Phichit left the room.

Victor pulled Yuuri back down onto the bed. "Let's sleep some more..."

"Victor, get up. There's pizza rolls." 

Victor sat up immediately. "Sign me the fuck up."

They got to the kitchen. Yuri was playing stupid meme music while waiting for the pizza rolls. Phichit was looking through Yuuri's fridge.

Yuuri suddenly felt lightheaded.

"Hmm?"

He looked down. There was blood dripping out of his nose at a rapid pace.

"...Oh."

Instead of getting a tissue, Yuuri stood there in a daze. He let the blood drip onto his hand. 

Victor turned and yelped. He immediately ran to grab tissues. Everyone freaked out in general while Yuuri sat with a pool of blood in his hand.

"Wow, fresh blood is a pretty color."

It was silent for a moment.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! We've got a fucking psychopath here! Call the police!"

"You need Jesus!"

"I'm sorry! I just- I mean- it's really bright!"

"What the fuck!"

Victor shoved a tissue up Yuuri's nose to stop the bleeding. He then lead Yuuri over to the sink to wash his hands.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Phichit snapped a picture and posted it on his Instagram with the caption "this bitch's nose bled and the first thing he notices is the color jfc".

The picture exploded immediately.

Phichit cackled. "Oh god, someone wrote a blood fic."

"What? It's only been, like, twenty minutes."

"I know."

Yuuri wandered off to read the blood fic, and Phichit joined him. Yuri judged them but secretly wanted to read it, too.

The pizza rolls burned.

* * *

Victor was having a hard time.

Yuuri was driving him crazy. He was handsome, sure, and he was cute and charming. He was good at writing. He was funny. He was smart. And damn, that ass looked fine in just about anything, but...

He was so  _clueless._

Every time Victor tried to flirt with him, or be affectionate, or do anything, Yuuri would brush him off. During every moment that Victor's heart throbbed mercilessly, every time Victor's breath caught in his throat, every time he felt heat rush to his cheeks, Yuuri looked like he was  _perfectly fine_. 

Sometimes, Victor wondered if Yuuri had ever been a fan at all.

Maybe it was all a joke. Maybe the truth was simply that Yuuri knew how to take advantage of his looks, and wanted to drive him, a celebrity, nuts. 

Maybe Yuuri was a fan that only appreciated Victor for his aesthetic.

Victor snapped out of his dramatic self-reflection and  _oh my god he's bleeding._ Victor tried to concentrate on grabbing tissues and not on Yuuri's flawless ass.

He shoved the tissue up Yuuri's nose and helped him wash his hands. 

Yuuri smelled good.

Victor felt really creepy for thinking it. 

It was just that Victor was literally right behind Yuuri, and he happened to smell Yuuri, and he smelled really good.

It was like... satsumas.

And... dark chocolate? And maybe, a little bit of cayenne pepper.

It was a peculiar mix, but it was comforting somehow. 

Victor wondered how he could identify what Yuuri smelled like, but couldn't tell if something was burning.

Burning, as in, once everything had been resolved and Yuuri ran off to read a blood fic, Victor didn't notice the pizza rolls burning to a crisp. 

Victor played sad recorder music to express his remorse for the burnt pizza rolls. 

❤  **30, 458 likes**

 **k-yuuri** wtf is he doing oh my god

 **v-nikiforov** eater's remorse

 **k-yuuri**?? ? 

 **christophe-gc** victor are u ok

 **v-nikiforov** no

* * *

Yuuri cooked an actually sufficient meal after the pizza rolls burned. 

"Yuuri, my heart hurts."

"For the pizza rolls?"

"Yeah. Make it better."

"How?"

"Give me a kiss."

"Okay." 

Yuuri leaned over and kissed Victor.

It was completely still. Phichit stopped chewing. Yuri stared in silence.

Victor blinked.

Yuuri slowly pulled his lips back from Victor's.

And he  _actually fucking licked his lips._

"I make good pancakes."

He grinned and put his plate in the sink. 

"Phichit, you're cleaning today. I'll be in my room if you need me."

He left.

Victor was shook.

Phichit silently got up and tried to absorb the information while he started to clean up. 

Yuri continued to eat.

"Holy fuck," Victor whispered.

The other two only nodded in agreement.

* * *

In a flurry of panic, Yuuri wrote an entire chapter by himself. He didn't have a co-writer, or a beta reader, or an editor or anything. He just wrote.

He finished in about two hours. 

In the end he put a note.

**FCKING FCKUF DFSDFSDJF FUCK MY ASS JFC I KISSED HIM**

**I**

_**KISSED** _

_**HIM** _

**I MEAN I'VE KISSED HIM BEFORE BUT NOT ON THE LIPS???? I MEAN I HAVE ON THE LIPS BUT THAT TIME WAS BY ACCIDENT??? THIS TIME HE TOLD ME TO KISS HIM AND IT'S USUALLY A JOKE AND THIS TIME I ACTUALLY FUCKING DFSDFSDFKSDFKLSDFJKKSD HELP**

**I DONE FUCKED UP**

Yuuri published the chapter. It blew up immediately. A bunch of comments were just incoherent screaming and symbols. People screenshotted his note and posted it everywhere. He started to get lots of notifications for all sorts of social media.

Yuuri shut his laptop screen and turned off all his notifications. He then jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his face.

"... Goodnight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to the person who suggested i put social media reactions into my story and shoutout to the person who suggested the bloody nose thing, which did,,, in fact,, happen to me,,, also sorry if i got yuuri's instagram name wrong :))
> 
> memes and sex music are really motivational for writing
> 
> btw i put in victor's pov just so you could,, like,,, see what he's thinking lol
> 
> sorry this took so long i was busy dealing with school,, dysphoria,, and other mental issues
> 
> [my tumblr](http://pastelvolleyballs.tumblr.com/)


	14. KOTORI IS BEST GIRL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yuuri, I swear, if you watch those fucking videos I'll burn your limited edition Love Live figurines!"
> 
> "Not Kotori, bitch! Don't touch my waifu!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck i missed the last chapter's summary shit fucking hell anyway the title is based off my best girl in love live :) i love kotori so much
> 
> have you ever noticed how i always put my tumblr url in the chapter notes but it's also in the "entire story" notes
> 
> i got glasses and i can't tell if i look like an intellectual or a dork

Yuuri woke up and the first thing he thought of was that stupid ass thing he did the day before.

"Shit."

Yuuri went back to sleep.

The next time Yuuri woke up, he thought about it again. 

Yuuri turned and screamed into his pillow.

_What the fuck. What the fuck??? Why did I do that?? I'm so stupid oh my god. I kissed him. I KISSED HIM. I actually fucking kissed Victor Nikiforov oh my god his lips are so soft I would do it again WAIT NO-_

Yuuri's phone started buzzing. He jumped awkwardly and made sure no one saw him being lame. Obviously, no one did, because he was home alone.

"Oh my god, Yuuri. Bitch. I've got so many things to tell you."

"Phichit, I still need time to be an emo bitch."

"Wait, wait. First of all, your Instagram is being spammed by literally everyone. Second of all, Gabe the dog died."

"What? Oh my god, no."

"Shut up and listen. Third of all, I need an explanation."

"Not now-"

"Yes, now. Fourth, I'm coming over. Scratch that, I'm here. Yurio, hurry the fuck up."

Yuuri walked out of the room. Phichit ended the phone call and sat down with the pettiest look on his face. Yuri sat down next to him, looking saltier than usual. 

Yuuri sat down across from them.

"I assume you understand your situation, Katsuki Yuuri."

"Phichit, what-"

"Please explain your motives as to  _why_ you did what you did. It is essential to the case."

"Phichit, I'm not a criminal."

"Well, it appears that you are, Katsuki Yuuri-"

"Stop that-"

"-because you clearly stole the heart of our victim, Victor Nikiforov."

"Um-"

"You have also been charged with stealing our victim's breath away, as well as the ability to speak, form coherent sentences, and think properly."

"What the fuck?"

"Katsuki Yuuri, if you do not explain your actions, we will assume you to be guilty."

"What the fuck am I supposed to be explaining?"

Phichit sighed and threw the fedora off his head. Yuuri was confused. There wasn't a fedora on his head before.

Yuri, despite having not done any work to help Phichit, also sighed. He shook his hair out of the ponytail that  _Yuuri swore he hadn't had in just a second ago._

"What is going on?" Yuuri tried his best to imitate that one voice from that one cartoon from, like the 70s. He forgot what it was called. He just remembered the voice.

"We honestly just want to know why the fuck you kissed Victor out of nowhere."

"You just wanted to know," Yuuri repeated with a humorless laugh.

"Yeah."

"Well, I think I'm supposed to know that before I tell you, and I don't."

Silence.

"Are you saying you kissed him for no reason?"

"Yes?"

"Are you saying you were that fucking charming out of nowhere? You didn't plan it? You weren't under the influence of drugs or alcohol or anything that could possibly alter your coherent state of mind?"

"I just? I don't know? He's attractive, and I've always kind of admired him? I guess?"

"What the fuck, Yuuri?"

"I don't know."

Finally, Yuri said something. He jumped out of his spot on the couch.

"Look here, kiddo!"

"I'm superior to you."

Yuri ignored him. He pulled out his phone.

"Everyone's been freaking out! You! Phichit! Me! That stupid guy who's losing his hair! All your fans and his fans and anyone who even knows our names!"

"Victor's losing his hair?"

"Yes!"

"Oh."

Yuri finally found the picture he wanted, and he shoved it into Yuuri's face.

♥  **76, 283 likes**

 **phichit+chu** me @ yuuri rn

Yuuri blinked. It was just a picture of Kermit setting himself on fire.

 **dumpster_fire.png** smae

 **pastelvolleyballs** @dumpster_fire.png smae

 **dumpster_fire.png** @pastelvolleyballs look here,, bitch,,,

"Am I supposed to know what this means?"

"This is how everyone feels about you and your crazy ass decisions. Stop making us worry."

"There's not a lot of worrying here, Yurio."

"Fine! I'll find a different picture."

**♥ 95, 302 likes**

**phichit+chu** CASSH ME OUSSIDE HOWBOW DAH

This picture was of a conversation Phichit and Yuuri had. Phichit had texted, wanting to know what the fuck just happened, and Yuuri had said "i'm going to be eating, crying, and or masturbating for the next few days please don't talk to me". Phichit had then asked why he did it if he wasn't confident in his decision. Yuuri replied with "idk lol".

 **koi.bi.to.** should i be concerned

 **nicoleheesun** why is this in my recommended

 **christophe-gc** yuuri,,, if youre going to masturbate make sure you stay hydrated

 **phichit+chu** HE WONT FUCKING ANSWER ME ANYMORE WHAT THE FUCK DONT TELL ME HES ACTUALLY MASTUrBATINg

"I wasn't," Yuuri said out loud.

"Good, that would be weird."

"Why would that be weird? There was that one time in college when-"

"Oh my god, that's gross. Let's not talk about this." Yuri made a nasty face.

"Yeah, whatever."

Yuri remembered he had a point he was trying to make. "The point is! We were worried and you shouldn't shut yourself away from us and please tell me what happened because I'm so confused."

"At least breathe while you talk."

"Shut up."

"Well, see, I've always admired Victor as a fan. He's attractive, and he has a nice blog and stuff, but I? I don't really know how I feel about him. Like, I've known him for a while now, and I know what he's _really_ like, but I'm not sure how I feel about him? So, yeah."

Phichit smiled. "It's perfectly fine if you don't know how you're feeling, Yuuri. Take your time."

"Thank you." Yuuri felt a warm fondness grow in his chest. Phichit really was his best friend.

"Okay, I agree, but was it really necessary to kiss him-"

"Just shut up."

"Right."

It was quiet.

"Well then." Yuuri stood up and stretched. "If we're done here, I'm going to go watch important videos."

"Yuuri, no, that playlist is 311 videos long-"

"Well, what can you do?" He started to walk toward his room.

"Yuuri, I swear, if you watch those fucking videos I'll burn your limited edition Love Live figurines!"

"Not Kotori, bitch! Don't touch my waifu!"

"Yee!"

Yuri sat and watched the two idiots fight over their best girls. It went on for quite a while.

"Maki is best girl!"

"Kotori is best girl!"

"No way!"

"Isn't this the real reason why we broke up in college?!"

Yuri cleared his throat. They both turned to look at him.

"Nozomi is best girl."

There was a pause.

"No way! Why would she be best?"

"She's got big boobs!"

"Maki has the innocent appeal of a tsundere!"

"Kotori's voice actor sounds like Mavis from Fairy Tail!"

The three of them decided to hold an informal debate over who was best and could not decide. 

"We need a tiebreaker." Phichit said. He looked like a genius. It was just a normal idea.

"How about Victor?" Yuri asked.

"Nope, not today." Yuuri looked about ready to jump out the window.

"Don't worry, I already know his best girl." Yuri wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Who is it?"

"It's..." There was a grave look on Yuri's face. "... Hanayo."

"What the fuck! Hanayo is no one's best girl! Why does he have such shitty opinions!"

"Let's call Chris!"

"Why would Chris have a best girl?"

"I just know he does."

Yuuri rang him up. He answered pretty quickly. 

_"Is this maybe for advice about your kiss situation?"_

"No."

_"What is it, then?"_

"Who's your best girl in Love Live?"

_"Eli."_

"Of course you would. Thanks anyway."

_"Haha, bye."_

Yuuri sighed. "Who else can we call?"

"Mila."

"Alright."

They called Mila. _"What's up, bagel?"_

"What the fuck?"

_"I dunno. Why are you calling?"_

"Who's your best girl in Love Live?"

_"Rin. She's cute as fuck."_

"Um, okay then. Thanks."

_"You're welcome, I guess? Bye."_

Phichit was getting a little annoyed. "Who the fuck are we supposed to call that will actually break the tie?"

"I don't know. Let's call Guang Hong."

After a few rings, he answered. _"Hello?"_

"Love Live best girl?"

_"Um? Honoka?"_

"Of course. You're so basic."

_"Rude!"_

_"Guang, who is it?"_

Phichit grinned maliciously. "Oh, is that Leo? How are you? Guang, you little nasty."

_"Shut up!"_

_"I'm doing fine. Why are you calling?"_

"We need to hear people's Love Live best girls."

_"Umi, I guess?"_

"Wow, thanks. That helped a lot. Bye."

Yuri jumped up. "I know! Let's call Otabek. My brother shall side with me on this."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

Otabek answered after the third ring. _"Hello?"_

"Beka, quick! Love Live best girl!"

 _"Nico,"_ he answered without hesitation.

"What?"

 _"Nico-Nico-nii,"_ he said. His voice was deep and monotone. Everyone burst out laughing in Yuuri's apartment.

"Beka, what the fuck? I thought you would agree with me!"

_"Sure. Bye."_

Yuri wiped away fake tears. They moved on to Sara.

_"Hey, I've heard from others that you've been asking about Love Live best girls. Mine is You."_

"What?"

_"From Love Live Sunshine."_

"Wow, okay."

_"Oh! Mickey and Emil are here, too. I'll ask them."_

There was some faint yelling in the background before she returned to the phone. 

_"Mickey says Chika. Emil says Yoshiko."_

"Thanks for letting us know."

_"No problem. Bye!"_

Yuri sighed loudly. "Let's call JJ."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

JJ picked up a little late. _"It's JJ! What do you need, Yuri?"_

"Love Live best girl."

_"Mari."_

"Well, then. Bye."

Yuri hung up. "I knew this would be fucking useless."

"We haven't called everyone yet, technically."

"That's true."

"Let's call your cousin."

"Georgi?"

"Yeah."

_"Hello?"_

"Georgi, Love Live best girl."

_"Ruby."_

"Thanks, bye."

Phichit smiled. "Let's ask Seung Gil. It's worth a shot."

"Not really, but okay."

_"What do you want?"_

"Wow, no need to be rude."

_"There is a need to be rude. Hurry up and say what you want. I can't waste time right now, it's my dog's birthday."_

"Oh my god, how cute! Tell your dog I said happy birthday."

_"Whatever. Why did you call?"_

"I need your Love Live best girl."

_"Riko."_

"Isn't she afraid of dogs?"

_"She likes yuri manga. Bye."_

Phichit sighed. "How about that chicken nugget kid? The one who's a huge fan of you."

"Minami?"

"Yeah."

"Sure, I'll call."

Minami picked up before the first ring. _"Hello? Yuuri? Why did you call? Did you need something?"_

"Who's your best girl in Love Live?"

_"My best girl? Probably Hanamaru."_

"Okay, thanks. Bye."

_"Bye?"_

Yuuri yawned. "Should I call my sister or Minako?"

"Mari first."

"Okay."

_"What's up, Yuuri?"_

"Hi, this is weird. I need your best girl from Love Live."

_"Kanan."_

"Thanks."

_"No problem."_

"Okay, now onto Minako."

Minako answered pretty quick. _"Yuuri? Do you need something?"_

"Love Live best girl."

_"Dia."_

"Okay, thanks!"

_"Bye."_

All three of the boys collapsed onto the couch. "We've called everyone, and no one broke the fucking tie."

"Let's ask people on Instagram."

"Good idea."

 

❤ **74, 692 likes**

 **k-yuuri** i'll give you guys all exactly 30 min hurry up love live best girl HURR Y  U P

 **aly-gevi** nico!!!!

 **oshawott_water** nozomi!!! 

 **pastelvolleyballs** KOTORI IS BAE

 **kmslmao** maki is 10/10

 **emm_five** kotori

Yuuri waited in the comments for thirty minutes, like he said. A lot of people had a lot of different answers. 

"Let's count them all."

"Okay."

After counting it all up, Kotori had the most amount of votes. The other two lay on the floor while Yuuri marched around triumphantly.

"Kotori is best girl, bitches."

Yuuri ended the day after being wrestled by Phichit and Yuuri. All three of them passed out on the bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "that one time in college" aka phichit and yuuri used to date and almost jerked each other off lol
> 
> this was going to be serious but now it's just dialogue about love live best girls smh
> 
> "yee" was intentional it's from the "important videos" playlist
> 
> who's your best girl?? according to love live tomodachi Eli is best girl and i think she's pretty cute but idk kotori is 10/10 man also rip bc on the tomodachi poll everyone loves hanayo but in real life a lot of love live fans like her least 
> 
> btw italic is person being called and normal is people calling


	15. Yuuri what the fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was going to, anyway. Use a condom."
> 
> "Fuck off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter name not really a meme but eh :)
> 
> sorry this took so long i just,, i've been having a bit of a hard time with life and stuff lately;; 
> 
> do people even read these notes? ?? do people even read this story?????
> 
> go read "komatta toki ni wa hoshi ni kike!" bc it's really good and really long and i'm shook and i need someone to talk to about it
> 
> guess what bitches!!!! i get to skip some school tomorrow bc i have to go to therapy!!! my therapist is super nice but super busy so she's only open for 2 pm tomorrow and it takes time to get there so i get to skip a lot of school

Victor wanted to pull his hair out.

He didn't, of course, because he was already losing hair rapidly, and couldn't afford to lose any more of his luscious locks.

But that wasn't the point.

Yuuri was seriously driving him crazy.

First, he kissed him. On the lips. He then shut himself in his room and exposed himself to the entire internet. After that, Phichit exposed him on Instagram with a short little conversation through text. Also, he heard from multiple of his friends, including Chris, that Yuuri, Phichit, and Yuri called people to ask about Love Live best girls. Victor thought Chris was joking. A little later, Yuuri asked his fans to comment their Love Live best girls.

That was his first post since The Incident.

It was about Love Live.

Victor was pissed.

Yuuri was completely unaffected, it seemed, by the kiss. He had freaked out a little, maybe, but was fine in a matter of a day.

He was also pissed because not a lot of people's best girls were Hanayo. 

Hanayo reminded Victor just a little bit of Yuuri. He didn't tell anyone that.

Victor was petty as shit, so he wasn't going to talk to Yuuri first. Not now at least. He needed some time to be a petty little bitch.

Victor opened up Instagram and  _what the fuck._

**▶84, 531 views**

**phichit+chu** smh

A video.

It was a little blurry. Yuuri was making pancakes (holy shit THE PANCAKES). Yuri was watching him and asking something in a soft voice. Victor couldn't hear what he was saying. 

Phichit's voice was a little loud, as he was closest to the phone.

"Yuuri, are you going to make those cute pancakes? Like, the fluffy ones we had in Japan?"

"No. We're having western pancakes."

"Yuuri, please?"

"No. I already made the pancakes."

"Oh my god, Yuuri. Is this the reason we broke up in college?"

Yuri snorted. "I thought it was because of Love Live best girls?"

Yuuri's cheeks turned a slight crimson. "Actually, it was because-"

"No! No, haha, no, Yuuri. No one needs to know about our past sex lives."

The recording ended.

Victor was shook.

He quickly scrolled through the comments.

 **k-yuuri** phichit that last part really was not necessary

 **phichit+chu** @k-yuuri ok but talking about our past on a recording was not necessary either

 **k-yuuri** it's not like i was gonna go into fanfic amount of detail

 **katsukinikiforov**  im shook

 **officialphichitfanpage** omfg!! i can't believe you guys used to date!! let's hear more about it!!!!

Victor blinked.

He thought about it.

He remembered Phichit saying once that he could personally vouch for the fact that Yuuri was a good kisser.

Victor screamed intensely. It was all internal, though. His voice was precious to his charm and his blog, so he couldn't scratch it up.

Victor tried to calm down.

_Victor tried to calm down._

_VICTOR TRIED TO CALM DOWN._

**_VICTOR TRIED TO CALM_ _DOWN._ **

When he felt calm, he left the video. 

There was another video. It was more recent.

He clicked on it.

**▶98, 362 views**

**phichit+chu** bby yuuri is all grown up :')

Yuuri was in heels.

YUURI WAS IN HEELS.

He was copying the 1Million Dance Studios' choreography perfectly. 

"Damn, boy! Keep it up!" Phichit's voice was just barely audible above the music. Yuuri turned and smiled.

 **k-yuuri** phichit i can cum for 12 seconds straight and i've been masturbating since i was a 15 year old twink i'd say i've been about grown up for a while now

 **phichit+chu** @k-yuuri damn boi imma bust a nut

 **prettyyuuri** ohmygod thanks for brightening up my day

 **gayasfuck** @k-yuuri how do you cum for 12 seconds ohmygod

Victor swallowed audibly.

He swiped right and looked at yet another video.

▶ **86, 693 views**

 **phichit+chu** cutie

Yuuri was dancing to TT, by Twice. His face had what looked like the most angelic smile in the universe. Victor could feel his eyes shatter.

 **k-yuuri**  delete this hoe

 **phichit+chu** why tho lol @k-yuuri

 **k-yuuri** bitch if you don't take this down i'm gonna steal your ice cream

 **phichit+chu** @k-yuuri bitch you're sitting right next to me and you're already stealing my ice cream

Victor took a deep breath. 

Phichit and Yuuri were just friends.

_Phichit and Yuuri were just friends._

Phichit encouraged Victor to go after Yuuri. Yuuri kissed Victor on the lips.

Everything was fine.

Victor took a sip of his coffee. Everything was fine.

The next thing on Phichit's account was a picture.

❤ **79, 804 likes**

 **phichit+chu** yuuri wouldn't make me the fluffy pancakes so we found a place that makes them

Yuuri was rolling his eyes at the pancakes. Yuri was already digging into his.

Victor wondered if Phichit had always been this affectionate with Yuuri, or if it had only started recently.

Victor wondered why he never noticed until now.

Victor felt kind of stupid.

He closed his laptop screen, got under his covers, and went to sleep.

"Victor, wake up." 

Immediately, his eyes snapped open. Yuuri was sitting close to the edge of his bed with a slight smile on his face.

"Yuuri? How did you get in here?"

"That doesn't matter. I... I wanted to clear up any misunderstandings you might be having."

"Oh, okay?"

"I wanted to say sorry, because... that kiss didn't really mean anything to me."

"I- what?"

"I don't see you like that, and I don't think I ever will."

Victor started to panic. This wasn't what he wanted at all.

"Wait, Yuuri-"

"Yuuri, come here!" Victor turned and saw Phichit. Why was he there, too? Yuuri smiled and started to run towards Phichit. Victor wanted to leave, or stop him, or do anything, but he couldn't move. He felt like he was suffocating. He was a dead weight in his bed, and he was glued down, and he was being forced to watch this god awful nightmare-

Victor woke up.

He took deep breaths.

He looked deep inside of himself and tried to find the most logical part of himself.

"Yuuri and Phichit are just friends," Victor whispered to himself.

"Yuuri and Phichit used to date, but they weren't compatible. Actually, I don't know why they broke up. But, Yuuri doesn't seem like the kind of person to kiss people for no reason. He's not like that. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down."

Victor took a deep breath.

"I can do this."

* * *

Yuuri answered the door. 

Not because he wanted too.

In fact, he didn't want to get out of bed at all. 

But, Phichit and Yuri respected his boundaries, so they gave him some alone time. No one was there to answer the door except for himself.

He went to the door.

He opened the door.

Victor was fidgeting awkwardly at the door.

"You have a key."

"I was trying to be respectful."

"Well, thanks anyway."

It was quiet. 

Yuuri wasn't exactly ready to deal with this, but he also knew he had to deal with it sooner or later.

He sighed.

"Come in."

Victor sat on the couch. Yuuri sat across from him.

"... So?"

"Um."

"Okay, well. I guess I'll explain myself, since you have nothing to say."

"Alright."

"I kissed you because I felt like it. I don't really know how I feel about you right now. I hope you'll understand."

Okay. Alright. That wasn't exactly what Victor wanted to hear, but Victor respected Yuuri and his feelings.

"That's fine."

There were no words spoken. Yuuri's laptop fan whirred loudly, and the heater pumped warm air onto their skin. It was loud and quiet at the same time. Everything felt like a dream, but it was also very real.

Victor made to leave. Yuuri tugged lightly on his sleeve without thinking.

"What is it?"

Yuuri didn't look at him.

"Could you... could you stay?"

Victor was a little surprised.

"Of course."

Yuuri was a little bit clingy. Victor didn't know how to feel, but he decided to just go with it.

It was a little bit hard to just go with it.

Yuuri somehow wiggled his way into Victor's arms. He wouldn't let go. Victor had to carry him to his room.

Yuuri became a little more clingy as time went by. At some point in time, they were in the far corner of Yuuri's bed, legs tangled under the blankets. Yuuri snuggled into Victor's chest and sucked all his body warmth away from him. 

Victor slowly became more and more confused. Wasn't he rejected? Wasn't he pushed away? Why didn't Yuuri's words match his actions?

When he thought Yuuri was sleeping, Victor brushed some hair from his face and kissed his forehead. Yuuri's eyes fluttered open.

"Oh, sorry."

"No, it's fine." Yuuri craned his neck upwards and kissed Victor on the chin. 

"Good night."

Victor was really, really confused.

* * *

 Yuuri woke up because of an alarmed screech. 

"Hmm?"

"What- you- huh?"

Yuuri opened his eyes. 

"Phichit, are you okay?"

"I don't know, Yuuri. Look at yourself and then back at me and then ask again- am I okay?"

"Um..."

Yuuri turned and found that he and Victor were still a huge mess of limbs.

"Victor, wake up."

"No, thanks."

"It's not an option."

"It is now."

"Victor, please."

"No."

"Stop being cute little bitches and get the fuck out of bed!"

"Why? Did you bring food?"

"What? No. I came here so you could make me food, and this is what I find."

"I don't want to make you food. Go away."

"I was going to, anyway. Use a condom."

"Fuck off."

Yuuri heard Phichit close the front door and struggle with the lock. Victor pulled Yuuri back down.

"Victor, get up. I'll make you food."

"Okay."

Yuuri got up and walked to the kitchen, Victor trailing behind him. 

Victor was still confused.

Yuuri made Victor pancakes. They weren't the western pancakes. They were the fluffy pancakes that Yuuri refused to make for Phichit.

Victor was even more confused.

Yuuri and Victor made small talk while they ate. Victor felt like everything was slightly more normal than before.

When Victor was on his way out the door, he turned to say goodbye to Yuuri.

Yuuri smiled in a way that made Victor's throat close up. He was beautiful. Victor was at a loss for words.

"Then, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah." Victor blinked a few times and gulped audibly. Yuuri got up on his toes and kissed Victor slowly on the corner of his lips.

He pulled away.

"Bye, Victor."

Yuuri shut the door.

Victor was really, really confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how many times do i have to ask for attention on my tumblr to get attention on my tumblr. srsly give me attention
> 
> do you ever fucking hate yourself bc me too
> 
> shit fucking hell the part after the first horizontal line was a low key angsty disaster kms lmao i'm shit and the rest of the story after that just goes downhill
> 
> why is yuuri like this??? he's like "nah not now fam" and then goes and confuses victor's feelings honestly w h y did i write him l i k e t h i s


	16. what in tarnation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh my god, Yuuri, you castrated the cock!"
> 
> "No, I didn't! You just have a really hard nose!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus christ on a cracker it's been so long that i had a crush and then it was over all in the time i haven't written sorry guys i had therapy and a lot of school work and stuff so it was hard finding time to write but i hopefully will be updating more frequently from now on
> 
> hopefully
> 
> anyway did you know that in the state of georgia all sex toys are banned??? lmao fun fact of the day

Victor went over to Yuuri's house.

Again.

Phichit was there. Yuri was there. Yuuri was not there. Somehow, Victor felt like something was wrong with that.

"Yuuri's out," Phichit said as soon as the door opened.

Victor wasn't even surprised.

Okay, well, he was surprised that Yuuri went out but he wasn't surprised that Phichit immediately knew it was him or that Phichit and Yuri were in Yuuri's house without his permission.

"Okay."

Victor set a bag of donuts down on the table. He saw Phichit and Yuri eyeing the donuts. He decided to solve all his issues with one little trick. 

"These donuts are for Yuuri. As in, we're going to eat them together. As in, I'm gonna get alone time. With Yuuri."

Phichit looked pretty convinced. Yuri didn't.

"Just give us one each, and we'll leave."

Victor gave them one donut each. Phichit dragged Yuri out the door.

Victor was alone.

In Yuuri's house.

He sat awkwardly on the couch and awkwardly patted his knees.

He brushed some imaginary dust off his shoulder and hummed a weird little tune that he made up.

He was very awkward.

Yuuri walked in and was not even surprised to see Victor. He sat next to him on the couch.

"Hey."

Victor just waved. He felt like his voice would betray him and awkwardly crack or some shit. He cleared his throat a little.

"I got you donuts."

"I noticed."

"Cool."

It was silent.

"Um, let's eat them?"

"Yeah."

Victor and Yuuri took out the donuts. Somehow, as soon as they started eating, their conversations went naturally.

"Oh my god, Victor, I found this website. You have to see this shit."

Yuuri pulled up a site about super extra Christian moms who were against some unknown fandom. Victor pulled up a site about a life size Jar Jar Binks toy apparently being used as a "masturbation toy". 

The two of them were laughing their asses off. Victor didn't even think it was all that funny, but watching Yuuri have a good time was enough to make him feel giddy.

Yuuri laughed so hard he was basically crying. He did a little high pitched wheeze laugh thing. It was adorable. Victor's heart jumped out of him and flew into the sun. That laugh cured all illnesses, watered his crops, brought world peace, ended world hunger, and saved 2017. Victor felt like he was blessed.

Yuuri kept giggling as he ate another donut.

It was a strawberry jelly filled donut.

He got some on his face.

Victor did the stupid ass cliché thing where he wiped it off of Yuuri's face. Yuuri jumped forward and ate it, not wanting to waste the jelly.

He jumped forward and ate it.

_He jumped forward and ate it._

He ate the jelly right off of poor Victor's finger. He felt his heart stutter in his chest. It was a weird stutter. Victor thought it was probably sexual, considering Yuuri sucked his finger just now. He tried to take his mind off of Yuuri and good blowjobs.

"Tastes good," Yuuri said. Victor tried to remind himself to buy everything strawberry flavored.

After finishing some of the donuts (there were a dozen and Victor was  _not_ going to let his face get oily or bloated), Victor invited himself into Yuuri's bed to take a nap. Yuuri sighed and lay down next to him.

"Victor."

"Yes?"

Yuuri didn't respond. Instead, he crawled closer to Victor. Victor wasn't sure if he should scream, hug Yuuri, or stay frozen. 

He stayed frozen.

Yuuri scooted a little closer.

Victor still stayed frozen. 

Yuuri pressed a kiss to Victor's chin.

Victor wanted to know what was going on.

Yuuri clearly told him that day that he wasn't sure how he felt about Victor, but from that day on, he had started being really clingy.

Yuuri kissed him a lot.

Victor never did anything. He was confused, and thought that trying to respond would frighten Yuuri, like a small animal.

"Victor."

"Yes?"

"Do you not like it when I kiss you?"

Victor sputtered awkwardly and choked on his own spit.

"What?"

"Well, I mean... you never do anything when I kiss you. And sometimes, you have this funny look on your face."

"I didn't think you wanted me to kiss you."

"Well, you shouldn't assume things."

"Right."

Victor leaned over to kiss Yuuri on the nose. At the same time, Yuuri tilted his face upwards.

Victor kissed Yuuri on the lips.

He awkwardly pulled away. Yuuri's eyes darted to the blanket, to his hands, to anywhere that wasn't Victor.

 

"Um."

 

It was silent.

Victor sighed.

"I won't do anything if it makes you uncomfortable, Yuuri."

"Alright."

"Go to sleep, now. I bet you stayed up all night criticizing bad porn and reading fanfiction."

"I- yeah."

Victor held Yuuri in a tight embrace.

"I'll be here when you wake up. Sleep."

"Okay."

Victor wondered why he kept doing couple-y things with Yuuri when they weren't dating. He decided to fling the thought into the back of his mind before he fell asleep.

* * *

Victor woke up and could feel someone watching him. He shivered uncomfortably and turned around.

Phichit was taking pictures.

"Oh, it's just you," he said. Victor sat up. Yuuri muttered something in his sleep and held Victor's waist.

"I thought Yuuri didn't know how to feel about you?"

"I thought so, too."

"Oh."

Victor tried to pry Yuuri's hands off of his waist. Yuuri's eyebrows furrowed. He tightened his grip.

"Yuuri, get up, please."

Yuuri whined and pulled Victor back down into bed. Victor sighed. He tried to focus more on waking Yuuri up and less on that whine. 

Victor probably needed to get laid. He didn't want to do it unless it was with Yuuri. Yuuri didn't know how to feel about him.

It was a tiring and frustrating cycle. Victor decided it was worth it if he got to be with Yuuri in the end.

"Can you guys, like, get up? I don't have food right now, but I know how to cook. Also, stop being cute. There's only so much I can take."

Victor contemplated abandoning Yuuri in bed and eating alone. Before he could make a decision, Yuuri crawled into Victor's arms. 

"Yuuri, wake up."

Yuuri didn't respond. 

"Yuuri?"

"Sorry, I don't speak English," he muttered in English.

Victor snorted and lifted Yuuri up. Phichit took more pictures. 

"I'll just carry you, then."

"Is there a need to say that when you're already carrying me?"

"Shut up."

Yuuri laughed into his neck. Victor's neck felt pleasantly warm, and he couldn't tell if it was from Yuuri's breath or his rapidly spreading blush.

"Guys, guys, guys, stop being cute for a moment! It's like, rubbing it in that I'm single!"

"So are we?"

"Shut up!"

Yuuri raised an eyebrow, but he didn't say anything.

Victor dropped Yuuri unceremoniously onto the couch. Yuuri squawked. Phichit snickered.

Yuuri dragged Victor down onto the couch with him. Phichit headed into the kitchen to see what he could make ("Wow, Yuuri, your fridge is a shitshow." "Yeah, well, there's not a lot of time to think about buying groceries when you're busy contemplating the meaning of life.").

Victor lay sideways on the couch and drifted between Yuuri's confusing feelings and the fact that Yuuri hadn't updated his stories in over a month.

"Victor? You okay?"

"I will be, once you update your story."

"What? Oh. OH. Oh my god, oh my god, oh shit."

Yuuri ran into his room, grabbed his laptop, and came back to the couch.

"Scoot over, bitch. I need room and time to do this."

Yuuri practically smashed the keyboard in the process of writing his story. Victor was slightly terrified.

Phichit came over with some waffles. They weren't the good waffles. They were those nasty ass Eggo waffles.

"This is all you had."

"Great. Phichit, I need you to look over this."

"Alright."

Victor stared into space, wondering why he felt like he was forgetting something.

His phone buzzed. It was probably the fifteenth time someone was asking him to update his blog.

Oh.

Victor whipped out his own laptop, which for someone reason he had with him. He pulled up his blog and started writing an apology for not updating. Then, he took a picture of Yuuri (multiple, actually) and uploaded it to his blog. "Recommendation time! As usual, I recommend every single fucking one of Yuuri Katsuki's works. They're all amazing. Also check out these people, who I'll link below," he wrote.

"I'm done," Yuuri muttered.

"So am I."

Yuuri put his laptop on the coffee table and curled into Victor's arms.

"Hey, whoa, I still have my laptop right here."

"So move it."

Victor's eyebrows rose so high they shot up into his hair.

"Did you hear me?"

Victor shut off his laptop and handed it over to Phichit. Phichit put it on the table. Yuuri curled further into Victor's arms.

"Yuuri, when did you become so bossy?"

"I don't know, maybe around the time I lost all my shame."

"When was that?"

"When Phichit talked about my lube and sex toys in the closet."

"Okay, but everyone has that."

"Okay, but it's one thing to know you have it and another thing to talk about exactly what you have."

"Fair enough."

Yuuri nibbled on an Eggo waffle and made a face. "This tastes like shit. Why did I think buying this was a good idea?"

Victor laughed and then grimaced as he took a bite of waffle.

"Yuuri, this is the worst waffle I've ever tasted. What the fuck."

"Why are you telling me? Go complain to the Eggo waffle company."

"Too much work."

Yuuri grinned. His grin curled into a frown. "This tastes like soggy plastic. I'm fucking done." He tossed the waffle into the general direction of the trash can. It landed nowhere near the trash can. Yuuri ignored it.

"I can't believe you're littering in your own home."

Yuuri flipped Phichit off. "Maybe you should take some responsibility for this home, considering you're always here."

"So is Victor."

"Whatever."

Victor absent-mindedly ground down on his teeth.

"Stop grinding your teeth, Victor."

"Stop grinding? The grind never stops."

"You're not a fucking student athlete, you dumb fuck."

Phichit tried to pick up Yuuri's abandoned waffle with the Italian hand meme. It didn't work.

"Fuck."

"Are you fucking stupid? Why did you think that would work?"

"Go suck a cock, Yuuri."

"I don't see any around, Phichit." 

Yuuri yelped as Phichit threw a rooster shaped lollipop at him.

"For you, my favorite cocksucker."

"I've never sucked dick, Phichit."

"You've deepthroated a dildo, and that's close enough."

Victor made a face. "Why- how- do you know that he's deepthroated a dildo before?"

"I dared him."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. He, uh, he said that if he did it, I would have to buy him the most extra ass sex toy I could find."

"Um?"

"So he did it, and I bought him one of those fancy little glass dildo shits."

"You bought him? A  _glass dildo_?"

"Yeah."

"What the fuck?"

"It has those little colored swirlies, too."

"What?"

"Like, they died the glass this pretty blue color? And then shaped it into these little swirls. So, like, the dildo has texture inside your ass."

"Phichit, stop, oh my god."

"But then, it wasn't extra enough. So to top it off, I got him a set of these rainbow vibrators."

"Phichit, stop it!"

"But, they weren't those little eggs he likes. They were, like, full on dick sized vibrators- ow!"

"Shut up, you little bitch!" Yuuri started to smack Phichit with the Käksuker. 

"You know- ow, ow, ow- that Käksuker is the same color as the swirls on the- ouch! - Glass dildo-"

"Shut- up-"

"Yuuri, no! You can't beat one of your only friends to death!"

"Shut up, Victor! Do you want me to beat you, too?"

"No, what the fuck?!"

Yuuri got distracted and started to hit Victor instead of Phichit. Victor tried to shield himself awkwardly with his arms.

"Vitya, move your arms, please," Yuuri purred. Victor was shook. His arms involuntarily went limp.

Yuuri smacked him right in the face.

"Ow!"

Phichit pulled out his phone and tried to film the precious footage. 

_Storage is full._

"Fuck!"

Phichit had a crisis while he tried to delete unimportant pictures. Yuuri kept smacking Victor with the lollipop.

The lollipop broke.

"Oh my god, Yuuri, you castrated the cock!"

"No, I didn't! You just have a really hard nose!"

Victor made a wounded noise. He and Yuuri started arguing over whose fault it was that the lollipop rooster died.

Phichit began to cry while deleting seventeen unused apps. "Why do I even  _have_ Grindr? I can get action with my charm alone!"

Yuri walked in. The scene he found looked like it was from a post-apocalyptic dystopian novel.

"What in tarnation?"

Everyone whipped their heads toward him.

"You all are not doing what I expected."

"Y'aint," Phichit whispered.

"Fuck you, too. You have some important mail at home. You should probably go check on it."

"Wha-"

"Time to go." Yuri dragged Phichit out the door.

"I guess it's time for me to go, too."

"Alright."

Victor stood up. Yuuri stared at him for a long moment.

"You need something?"

"No, nothing."

Yuuri gave Victor a fluttery kiss under the eye and shoved him out the door.

"Bye, now."

Victor walked out in a daze. Phichit and Yuri snickered at him and dragged him away.

Yuuri sank to the floor.

"Jesus Christ on a cracker," he muttered. 

It had been a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i've been living off of UR kotoris and shrinkyclinks fics all this time,,, i have issues
> 
> sorry sorry sorry it took so long omg,,, so sorry and love you my babes
> 
> this chapter isn't funny?? like at all??? wow sorry guys i can't tell if this fic is a crack fic disguised as a normal fic or a normal fic disguised as a crack fic
> 
> the only way of editing//checking grammar and shit is by copy pasting all the shit i write to microsoft word and using the shitty spellcheck so sorry if half of this shit is messed up


	17. whom'st'dv'e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We weren't making out!" Yuuri managed to yelp.
> 
> "What the fuck were you just doing, then?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lost like 70% of my readers because i took so long to update whoops
> 
> just so you guys know im gonna make this a really slow burn and then when they finally resolve issues it's still going to be frustrating :) lmao
> 
> get ready for victor "i really want to fuck you but i also respect your feelings and boundaries" nikiforov
> 
> @ people who have penises--- how do they work??? like,,, if you have morning wood and you jack off, and then you take a nap in the middle of the day,, will you pop another boner?? i dunno how penises work

Victor wondered if he should just sleep over at Yuuri's house.

He'd been coming over so often- almost every day- so there wasn't really a reason for him to continuously go home and come back again.

He thought about what it would be like if he stayed over.

He'd done it before. It probably wouldn't be that weird.

He thought about it again.

Victor decided it wasn't good for his health to stay over at Yuuri's place.

While he was in the middle of thinking, Victor accidentally ran into someone. The person cussed and whipped his head around.

"Victor? What the fuck?"

Victor's head snapped up at the voice of his best friend.

"Chris?"

"Yes, it's Chris. Bitch, what the fuck? Why is it necessary for you to bump into me for no reason?"

"I was thinking."

"Ooh, was it about-"

"Yeah."

Chris grinned slyly.

"What were you thinking?" He wiggled his eyebrows maliciously, if it was possible to do that.

"I really want to fuck him. But, like, I want him to figure out his feelings. I want him to be comfortable and confident before he decides to make decisions."

Chris raised his eyebrows so high that they almost flew off his head.

"Aren't you-?"

"Yeah."

Chris dragged out a long and dramatic sigh.

"Just don't get hurt again, sweetheart. You're my best friend."

"God, you sound like you're 8 years older than me."

"That's rude! Everyone knows that I'm younger than you."

Victor smacked him and looked across the street.

Yuuri, Yuri, and Phichit were sitting outside a café. Phichit said something that made Yuuri laugh.

He looked beautiful, as usual.

Across the street, Yuuri's attitude was not so beautiful.

"Yuuri, are you okay?"

Yuuri laughed bitterly.

"No. I'm not okay. This stupid bitch keeps being loud as shit. It's so annoying."

"Yeah, but don't you do that all the time?"

Yuuri's head whipped around to Yuri, who had a smug smile on his face.

"Look here, Deborah-"

"That's definitely not my name-"

"We already established this. I hate loud and annoying people. I am loud and annoying. I hate myself. Okay? Do you think you're clever for making me admit that I hate myself? I already knew. It's already a fact. You're not clever."

"Okay, geez," Yuri muttered.

"Oh, wow, now you're acting like you weren't just trying to make me seem like an idiot. I'm older than you, kiddo. I've got more experience than you'll ever even know."

Phichit snickered in the background. 

"Shut up, Phichit," both Yuuri and Yuri said at the same time.

"Calm down, sweaty."

"Stop using verbal memes."

"Whom'st'dv'e known than Yuuri would actually be the master of clapbacks?"

"Me. I knew."

"Shut up, Yuuri, you don't count."

Yuuri laughed genuinely before plucking Phichit's pastry out of his hand.

"This is mine now, bitch."

"What the fuck?"

Phichit tried to grab the pastry. Yuuri pushed him away with one hand and shoved the entire pastry into his mouth with the other hand.

Yuuri choked on the pastry.

Yuri turned and frantically hit Yuuri's back. Yuuri finally managed to take an actual bite of the pastry and stop choking. Phichit laughed his ass off on the side.

"That was a good pastry, and I don't regret anything," Yuuri said.

Phichit wiped some crumbs off of Yuuri's face and leaned over to whisper something. 

Yuuri glanced across the street, where Victor and Chris were standing. His lips curled into a smile.

Victor raced across the street with Chris in tow.

"Hey." Victor felt breathless, and he wasn't sure if it was because of Yuuri or because he ran.

"Hi." 

Victor felt slightly (very) disappointed when Yuuri went to greet Chris first.

"Chris! I haven't seen you in a while."

"Yuuri! I'm glad to see you again," Chris practically sang.

Yuuri laughed and gave him a hug.

"Don't keep your lover boy waiting too long, dear. He's starting to pout."

Victor startled as arms snaked around his neck. Yuuri gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hello."

Victor's arms settled on Yuuri's waist. 

"Yuuri," he whispered.

"Hmm?"

"I missed you."

"You saw me yesterday."

"Still."

Yuuri laughed softly into Victor's shoulder. 

Chris cleared his throat.

"We're in public."

"I'm sure you've got a weird kink for that somewhere."

Phichit rolled his eyes dramatically. "Stop rubbing it in that we're single."

"I have a boyfriend, actually-"

"Shut up, Chris, that's beside the point."

Yuri slipped away in the middle of the argument. He was pretty sure it was his turn to pay, and he was a cheap bastard.

Yuuri watched Yuri run off into the sunset. He had his arms trailing behind his back in a Naruto run.

"What the fuck," he mumbled.

Yuuri decided he also wanted to be a cheap bastard. He slowly walked backwards. No one noticed.

His walking became faster and faster until he was sprinting at full speed. When he stopped, he happened to run into Yuri.

"Oh."

"Hi."

They sat together on the edge of the sidewalk, silent and out of breath.

"You want a popsicle or something? My treat."

Yuri nodded.

"Alright."

They stepped into the convenience store behind them. Yuuri found a strawberry shortcake ice cream bar. Yuri got one of those Scooby Doo push-ups. 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up."

"Sure."

Yuuri paid for the ice cream and they went back outside.

"How's life?"

"Eh."

Yuuri tried to take a bite of ice cream. His teeth felt numb. 

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"I don't know, honestly."

Yuri pushed the push up pop too much. It popped out an inch away from his face. He yelped.

Yuuri choked on his ice cream while laughing. He cleared his throat and started eating the rest of his ice cream.

"Do you like him?"

Yuuri stopped eating the ice cream.

"I don't really know."

Yuri pressed his lips together.

"He's sweet." Yuuri paused. "He's patient, and he's nice to me, and he goes at my pace."

"He's fragile," Yuri whispered.

"I know, Yuri." Yuuri's voice was soft. He gave Yuri a reassuring smile. "I'm not going to hurt him."

"I know you won't." Yuri jumped up. Yuuri made a noise of surprise.

"But! Don't let him use that as an excuse to hurt you. He doesn't get a free pass to be parasitic just because he gets hurt easily. Just because he has a bad past with relationships."

Yuuri tugged Yuri down into his arms. "Yuri. You're so sweet to me."

"Mm."

"I'll be fine. Alright? If I ever have trouble, you know I'll talk to you."

"Okay."

"Good." Yuuri stood up and grabbed Yuri's hand. "Let's go back?"

"Your place."

"Alright."

* * *

Victor turned for a minute to focus on the ridiculous fight between Chris and Phichit.

He turned his head back to talk to Yuuri.

Yuuri was gone.

He glanced around.

Yuri was gone, too.

Victor was confused and slightly alarmed.

Before he could do anything, some lady came outside and stopped Chris and Phichit's fight. Victor realized that someone still had to pay for their shit. He started running away as fast as he could.

He managed to get to Yuuri's apartment. He paused to catch his breath.

"Victor?"

He turned. Yuuri and Yuri were walking towards him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I didn't want to pay."

Yuuri laughed. 

"Let's go inside."

Yuri beta read lots of unpublished chapters of Yuuri's stories. He went into a room and eventually fell asleep.

Yuuri settled on the couch with Victor.

"Yuuri."

"Hm?"

"Can- can I kiss you?"

Yuuri's eyes widened a little.

"I'm sorry, that was weird- I-"

"Yes," Yuuri blurted out.

Victor looked shocked.

It was silent.

"Um."

"I'm just gonna-"

Victor scooted closer to Yuuri.

Yuuri's cheeks heated up. The situation was kind of awkward.

Victor leaned in.

Yuuri closed his eyes.

Victor slowly let his lips touch Yuuri's.

They were soft.

Victor kissed Yuuri a little bit harder. Yuuri's hands tangled in Victor's hair.

Victor didn't know why he was so nervous. He'd kissed people before. He knew what he was doing.

Yuuri pushed away just a little to catch his breath. Victor chased after his lips-

-The door opened.

Victor jumped away from Yuuri. Yuuri scrambled up, face red.

Chris grinned awfully.

Phichit looked pissed.

"You guys left us to pay! You guys ditched us to come home and make out while we paid for the fucking food!"

"We weren't making out!" Yuuri managed to yelp.

"What the fuck were you just doing, then?!"

"We didn't even make it that far!"

Yuuri hid his face in a pillow. Victor looked away uncomfortably.

Chris sighed sympathetically.

"Phichit, let's give them some privacy, hm?"

"What?"

"My boyfriend is meeting some friends! And I don't want to be uncomfortable, so you can come along."

"I-"

"Okay, let's go now! Bye, dears!"

Chris dragged Phichit away and shut the door.

Yuuri groaned into the pillow.

"Let's get some sleep?" Victor tried to offer something, anything, to make Yuuri less uncomfortable.

"Yeah."

Yuuri closed his eyes and forced himself to stop thinking about how embarrassing that was.

Eventually, he fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who got the iphone 7 in jet black?? it's me,,, bitch
> 
> i've had the ancient iphone 5c for like 3 years so idk how anything works lol
> 
> guess who got sick?? again?? bc i have a weak immune system bc i'm unhealthy?? i also have allergies?? also georgia weather is absolute shit?? it's me!!! i fucking hate spring i also have no fucking shorts thanks school dress code
> 
> sorry the last part was bad??? idk how kissing works lol


	18. you done fucked up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what's worse than being sick?? being sick on your period!!!! congratulations, you virgin!! you're not pregnant this month either!!!
> 
> WARNING!!!!! there's like really low key nsfw stuff in the very beginning of the chapter so,,, it's in italic,, if you don't want to read that shit skip until there's no more italic,, although i must say if you're reading this idk why you WOULDN'T expect it,,, i'm also going to say i've never written nsfw so it's really shitty,,,
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: PANIC ATTACK! I WILL SEPARATE THE PANIC ATTACK FROM THE REST OF THE STORY BY ADDING HORIZONTAL LINES AT THE BEGINNING AND THE END!! IF YOU CANNOT READ SCROLL DOWN TO THE SECOND HORIZONTAL LINE AND IT WILL BE A NORMAL STORY AGAIN

_Yuuri was giving him a blowjob._

_He had one hand at the base of Victor's dick, gripping it tightly and the other hand slipping fingers into his own ass. He sloppily took Victor into his mouth._

_Somewhere, somehow, Victor heard himself moan. Yuuri grinned and hummed around Victor's dick. He left kisses and tentative licks all over, becoming more and more confident with every encouraging babble Victor let loose. Yuuri hollowed his cheeks, stopping to laugh at Victor's reaction._

_Victor could feel the vibration of Yuuri's laugh._

_Yuuri looked up at him though his long eyelashes._

_Victor was so close, so close to release, with Yuuri sucking him off and stroking him and-_

Victor woke up.

Victor choked on a cough.

"Goddamn it," he muttered.

Victor got up gingerly. He silently cursed himself. He seriously thought that if you got morning wood and jacked off, you wouldn't get an awkward boner later on.

Apparently not.

He dashed into the bathroom and decided to take a cold shower.

Even in the freezing cold water, his boner wasn't really going down. It probably had to be in cold water longer, but after about two seconds, he turned the water on to maximum heat.

And then, he turned it back down because he was fucking burning.

He awkwardly jerked off. He tried not to think about Yuuri, at first, or the weird dream, but he decided that his shame went out the window a long time ago. He let himself do whatever and felt 100% unashamed when he was done and satisfied.

He got out of the shower.

He dried himself off. He wasn't about to step into his nasty ass clothes, considering they were covered in sweat just a few hours earlier. He hated running. He also wasn't about to step into his boxers, because, of course, he just  _had_ to come in his pants like a filthy teenage virgin.

He threw his clothes immediately into the wash, along with some of Yuuri's dirty laundry. He found some of his other clothes lying around. He wasn't sure how they got there, but he didn't really care.

Victor tried not to scream into the void. Instead, he turned on his phone and texted Chris.

 **bitch:** guess who needs to get laid

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** me

 **bitch:** shut uP BITCH i bet you have sex like once every two hours

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** well you're not wrong

 **bitch:** ew

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** so what happened bitch

 **bitch:** i had a dream

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** what was he doing

 **bitch:** sucking me off

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** are you fucking kidding me......... you're so dumb that's like so not even filthy,,,,,,, i thought you were doing the dirty but he was just giving you a bj

 **bitch:** eat shit chripgsote not everyone has an exciting sex life

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** dont fucking test me victor........ youve been cockblocking yourself since the beginning of time

 **bitch:** im angry and i want to get laid but i cant kms

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** sweaty thats only ur fault lmao

 **bitch:** fuck off fuckface 

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** awww love you too dickhead now help me out with this buzzfeed quiz do you think im more top or bottom

 **bitch:** how the fuck am i supposed to know???????

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** just take A GUESS you little shitrag i will LITERALLY SLAP YOU INTO NEXT TUESDAY

 **bitch:** is switch an option??

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** yes,,,

 **bitch:** then switch i guess? ?? because i know you like to fuck doods in the ass but i also know you won't pass on a big dick

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** wow sweaty u know me so well!!! this is why we're best bitches forever

 **bitch:** whatever !!! you're supposed to help me rn!!! what am i supposed to do!!

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** bitch? ???? how am i supposed to know?? ur the one cockblocking yourself lol

 **bitch:** legit,,,,,,, that is the worst advice you could give me,,,,,, 

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** ok fine!!! start initiating things!! see how he reacts!!!!!!! and if he's fine you'll get closer and closer until he's ok with sex!!

 **bitch:** i tried!! that's why i kissed him !!!! see how that went!!!

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** OhMYGOD just GET LAID

 **bitch:** ur usually more helpful than this!! i bet you're distracted!! are you getting laid rn? ???

 **chripgsote gicaefniitmet:** yeah lmao bye bitch

 **bitch:** i hate u >:( ugh bye fucker

Victor turned off his phone and stared into the void.

"Why is this my life," he whispered.

Instead of being productive, Victor just laid on the couch. He wasn't a good cook. It felt kind of weird to do any chores, because that was kind of intimate. The only reason why he did the laundry was to cover up the fact that he had a, well, interesting dream.

Victor heard the door open. Yuuri walked into the living room and sat next to Victor on the couch.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"Not really. I just, I had a hard time sleeping... you usually, um, hold me the entire time I sleep."

Both of them sat in silence with their faces slowly getting redder and redder.

Yuuri scrambled away to get his laptop. "I have to, um, finish writing this chapter."

"Okay. Okay, cool. I think I should make a proper post for my blog."

They sat on the couch together again, this time in silence. Victor listened to the sound of Yuuri's loud keys as he rapidly typed.

It seemed okay.

It seemed.

* * *

Yuuri was feeling good. He slept well, and he was comfortable. He had Victor by his side. He was ready to write another chapter.

Yuuri typed. He typed fast and determined to finish. 

His typing slowed down.

He didn't know what to write.

He cursed himself. He'd been avoiding writing for a while. He wondered if people even liked his writing. He wondered if all he could really write was dialogue.

He didn't know what he was doing.

He obviously wasn't the best writer he could be. People probably hated his writing. What could he say? He had never had sex before. He didn't know how to write smut. People probably hated him and laughed at him.

Yuuri could feel his heart rate start to pick up. He knew. But he couldn't stop it. His hands started to shake.

"Yuuri?"

Yuuri's leg started to bounce. He looked relatively normal, but he felt like he was dying.

He started to get clammy. His breaths got shorter and rapid and terrified and shallow.

He swallowed a breath. He tried to ground himself, but he couldn't remember the order. He looked it up. He tried it. It didn't work. His breaths got shaky.

Yuuri could feel the tears in his eyes. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't do anything. He hadn't had a panic attack in a while, or a depressive episode. He was doing so well. Then, both hit him at the same time.

Yuuri choked on a sob.

"Yuuri! Calm down! Hey, can you breathe?"

Yuuri didn't know what to do. He wanted to tell Victor that panic attacks don't work like that. He couldn't manage to say anything. He continued to shake and sweat and cry.

Yuuri couldn't breathe, no, no, not enough, and he tried to stop-

His eyesight got fuzzy and black-

Yuuri passed out.

* * *

Victor looked up proper care after Yuuri passed out. He removed Yuuri's laptop from the couch and set it on the table. He got a glass of water. He waited for Yuuri to wake up.

Yuuri woke up pretty quickly.

"Victor?" His voice was rough. His voice was quiet.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

Victor turned and held him.

"Don't be. If anything, I should be sorry. I was so awful, and I didn't know how to help you."

Yuuri clutched onto Victor's shirt.

"Water?"

"Okay."

Yuuri drank all the water. Then, he curled up into Victor's body.

Victor gave him lots of kisses- on the cheeks, on his nose, his eyelids, everywhere except his lips. Yuuri was grateful. He knew he'd probably lose control of himself and manipulate Victor to get his mind off of what he'd experienced.

"Hey, are you uncomfortable here? You want to go to bed?"

"Yeah."

Victor carried Yuuri to bed. Yuuri felt a rush of affection. He held tightly onto Victor.

"I don't love myself."

"You should."

"I know. I'm trying."

Yuuri paused.

"I want to love myself."

"Okay."

"I want to love myself. When I get there, I'll focus on my feelings for you."

"That's fine, Yuuri."

Yuuri gave him a long look.

"Thank you."

"No problem."

Yuuri looked down at his hands.

"Don't beat yourself up, Yuuri."

Yuuri looked up, guiltily.

"Don't blame yourself. Would you yell at yourself if you had a terminal illness? No. It's not your fault."

Yuuri nodded.

"Okay, then. Lay down."

Yuuri did.

Victor traced patterns on Yuuri's skin. He told him stories in quiet Russian, occasionally singing soft lullabies.

Yuuri fell asleep.

Victor did not, but he stayed and held Yuuri the entire time. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit i have to change the rating don't i
> 
> sorry if you were suddenly startled by the panic attack and stuff :/ i just needed to make the story flow and i know how panic attacks are man,, they're unexpected and they can be triggered by random things you thought you were over already... again sorry and i hope you understand that i know what it's like!!! i would go into detail but i don't want to trigger anything so i will not go into detail about my panic attacks. lemme just say yuuri's panic attacks are based off of mine.
> 
> why am i like this?? this chapter is not only short but it goes from 0 to 100 real quick wtf


	19. the finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ok so i'm sorry first of all for leaving this for so long and second of all i'm sorry that my inability to commit to a story came back and that this is the last chapter i'll post for this shit story and it's going to be a rushed and trashy ending but yeah that's about it,, hopefully by the end you'll just assume its a timeskip chapter hahah,,,

Yuuri opens the door as slowly as he can. The door creaks just loud enough for him to wince as he steps into the entryway of the house. Yuuri closes the door behind him with a soft click and violently kicks his feet around in the air in an attempt to get his shoes off. 

His shoes fly onto the couch. 

Yuuri stares off into the darkness of the house. He can hear the ringing metal sound of a collar.

"Makkachin," he calls softly. The dog bounds over to him, tail wagging. 

Yuuri smiles at the poodle. He takes delicate steps to the couch and tosses his shoe as lightly as he can back over to the entryway.

They slam into the door with a loud bang.

Yuuri sighs.

He starts to walk over to the bedroom at the end of the hall. Makkachin trails after him as they approach a door framed by the soft glow of yellow light.

"Victor must have used the replacement lights," he mutters to himself. There's no way in hell that either of them would use yellow lights unless it was necessary.

Yuuri opens the door. 

Victor is sitting at his desk in the corner. His head is lolled to the side, and his eyes are closed. Yuuri realizes that he probably nodded off while waiting for Yuuri to come home.

Yuuri can feel his mouth stretch into a wide, unstoppable grin. He lets loose one very loud bark of laughter. 

Victor wakes up immediately with a start. He bangs his head on the table and falls out of his chair. Yuuri laughs even harder.

"I'm home," he breathes out once he can stop laughing. At some point, Victor had scrambled up and grinned dumbly. 

"You're late." Victor sounds like he's trying to scold Yuuri, but he can't stop smiling.

"You're right." Yuuri steps closer to Victor (in his "personal space bubble", Victor insists one night while they're tangled up in bed. Yuuri laughs uncontrollably for at least ten minutes, with Victor half-laughing and half-seriously trying to talk about personal space).

Victor continues to grin dumbly. Yuuri's not sure if it's because he's a big sap that's too in love or if it's because he still finds the waking up process funny. Knowing Victor, it's probably both.

"Have you eaten?" It's a dumb question, really- Yuuri knows that Victor probably went without food for the entire day while overworking himself.

"Yes?" 

"So you haven't. Do you want the food Mom made me bring back?"

Yuuri watches Victor's eyes sparkle with excitement and takes it as an answer. "I'll heat it up. Mom misses you, by the way."

"Tell her I'm sorry again. I was seriously going to see her with you, but with the book and everything..."

"Yeah, I know." Victor's been busy lately with writing about his blogging career and everything. It makes Yuuri's heart swell with pride.

Yuuri watches as Victor grabs a pair of chopsticks that he somehow knows how to use better than Yuuri (it's unfair, he thinks, that a European Russian person can use chopsticks better than a Japanese person who's been using them all his life. He blames his mother for teaching him how to use chopsticks wrong).

There is a short silence before the microwave beeps. Yuuri pulls out a plate with an assortment of Victor's favorite Japanese foods from his mom.

Yuuri suddenly thinks about how far they've come. He remembers how they idolized each other, and then how they became actual friends. He remembers awkwardly seducing Victor, and all their lingering touches and gazes. He remembers Victor being patient and understanding, and he remembers the look on Victor's face when he said that he was ready for something real.

"-Yuuri? Are you listening?"

"Hmm? Um, yeah. I am."

Victor rolls his eyes. "I was saying that we've been together for a long time."

"Yeah. What about it?"

"Well."

"What?"

"Maybe we should get married."

There is a very, very long silence. It is finally interrupted by the sound of Makkachin nibbling on some food.

"Yeah. Maybe we should."

More silence.

"Was that, like, a bad proposal? I hope I don't sound like an idiot. I actually have a ring. And stuff. I didn't just think of this on the spot. Does it sound like I did? I-"

"Victor."

"Yeah?"

"I. I said yes. Stop freaking out."

There is an incredibly dragged out silence.

Yuuri clears his throat. "Could you say something? Maybe? This is really. Awkward."

Victor groans loudly and hides his face in his hands. It's probably the first noise he's made in about ten or so minutes.

"This is the worst proposal ever," is what Yuuri can hear from behind Victor's hands.

Yuuri laughs.

"Don't laugh at me," he hears next, and it makes him laugh harder.

"It could have been worse," he wheezes out. "For example, you could have proposed to me with a bunch of iPhones, and I could have turned you down. In public."

"Good point."

Yuuri pries Victor's hands off of his face. "Go get the ring," he says softly, "and put it on my finger."

Victor rushes off to go get the ring and comes back with a fancy little box. Inside is a plain gold band.

"Oh," he breathes. It's really simple, but it still takes his breath away.

Victor takes it out of the box and slips it onto Yuuri's finger.

"Do you like it?"

"Of course I do," he whispers. There may or might not be tears in his eyes, but he's almost sure he can see them in Victor's eyes too.

"That's good."

Yuuri looks at the ring, and then at Victor. He thinks again about how far they've come. He thinks about where they are now. He thinks about their future.

It's not bad, he thinks. It's really not bad at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh sorry for the shit smut don't expect that ever again!!! catch me writing one shots for haikyuu while cringing about the new dub actors. sorry again for bad rushed ending. goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> heyyy was it ok?? pls let me know thank
> 
> pls give feedback so I know how to make it better!!! thanks!!!
> 
> btw here's [my tumblr](http://pastelvolleyballs.tumblr.com/) pls give me attention thanks


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